Me Dad

When I last saw me dad, he was crying. He told me. Now here we are and he is no more. I guess the question for me isn't whether or not was he a good man, but did I love him? I think I do... and thus he began telling me a tale ever bit as incredible as any I ever heard.
It was a long time ago...
Dad, I can't do this. I can't marry her.
But son we all did that, didn't we all have our own love stories, we were all attracted to someone or the other... but then we did what our parents told us. You are a fine young man it is but natural that you'll be attracted to people of other sex. But that isn't reason enough to become a rebel....
The son thought for some time, Dad it ain't that simple, his dad laughed c'mon son, how hard could it be, we all have been through this phase of life, tell me about it...
He pondered over what he was about to say, then he began, Dad I think you won't understand but I'll still take a chance after all you're my father how hard could that be. Dad that thing about attraction well I am, but it isn't all that simple, actually, the thing is, I am not attracted to any girl, I am attracted to other guys...
His father was suddenly stern, what did you say right now? See dad hadn't I told you that you won't understand? But this is the fact I did not like any of the girls you folks set me up with, I have never felt sexual attraction of any kind for any woman, ever. I am attracted to other guys.
The father seemed to be at a loss to understand anything, but you have always been surrounded by girls many girls. He smiled they were friends Dad. All of them. They were all about other guys, and if a guy was attracted to them I would give them the occasional tip, and so on. They were good friends dad. Most still are.
Well... I... I don't understand, son I read that people who are molested in their childhood become homosexuals when they grow up, if I ever, I am sorry.
Don't be ridiculous dad, you are the best dad a guy could hope for. That is just a rumor, and you've always been perfect for me.
Homosexuals get AIDS, another misconception, AIDS isn't a divine recrimination for people who are promiscuous, promiscuousness may increase chances of getting AIDS that's all.
But this thing about getting attracted to another guy, I don't understand perhaps you could explain...
I don't claim to be an expert but I'll try me best to explain as well as I can.
I don't think that attraction for a guy is any different from attraction for a girl.
But dad asked, see a guy and a girl they fulfill a purpose, they can procreate, continue their bloodlines... but this is unnatural, this is wrong no religion considers it right, it is a criminal offense in many countries....
It is considered to be a kind of mental illness.
Had sexuality of this kind been common it would have been in the rest of the world too, I think it is just a media propaganda... of some kind.
Well I'll tell you what I know. First homosexuality has been around, as long as for ever... it is definitely not a mental illness, that is just a dark ages propaganda, just like the witch-hunting of middle ages.
Only the three Semitic religions have openly spoken out against it that is Jews, Christians and Muslims, then again their books hardly say anything, homosexuality was called a sin by the religious guy but then they were sure that earth is at the center of the universe, most still are...
About animals, well generally homosexuality has been noticed generally in higher animals,but the animals displaying significant homosexual behavior are penguins(who are known to mate for life and make nests, and rear rocks) , dolphins, higher primates, all kinds of cattle, sheep and of course humans.
Homosexuality was practiced by armies of Greece, who believed that a man will fight better if the men fighting alongside him are the one he loved. Homosexual love has been described in the Bible, know David? The one who killed Goliath with a stone. Well there's the story of David and Johnathan who was the son of Saul King of Israel, whose daughter David married, the David who later became the King David father of King Solomon.
Attraction is abstract, it is independent. It doesn't care.
If you ask me why am I attracted to a guy and not a girl, well I have no answers?
But then why is anyone attracted to anybody else? I agree it could just be a sexual infatuation, but who decided that a man can only love a woman and vice versa? We have the choice to ourselves, who to love and whom to care is not and should not be decided by anyone else. It makes me sick, the amount of persecution that we have to face just because we make such a simple choice, why couldn't people try and understand?
Dad then said, Son I think that people have this tendency, that every one should be like them, especially when I look at you I think you should be the way I was and my parents before....
But Dad no one is anyone else. Ain't that true. Gibran said “your children are not your children.”
But I still don't understand.
Dad let me explain. A guy sees a girl, and gets attracted to her. Now how does that happen? When a person is attracted to someone else sexually what does it mean?
Many perfectly “straight” people are opposed to the very idea of their females being the active partner in a sexual session, but there are other who will role-play and try bondage with straitjackets, handcuffs etc. Many people swap partners, have orgies while others are true to each till the very end.
What decides that monogamous love with the female as the passive partner is the only noble love and others are just wrong?
So what do these difference mean? Well for one we are all different, we are not equal, we are not a crowd, Hell we aren't even We. We are all unique, hence we are individuals.
But that is a topic for a different time.
What I mean is that it definitely is not wrong to be attracted to anybody, its a person's own choice, totally, completely.
It is unnatural, it is not wrong, it is not a disease, it definitely is not a crime, its been around for ages (well almost as long as Eve ate that apple and gave in to her temptation(like its such a hot fuss to get tempted!))
and if we don't give a damn wonder why the rest of the world does?
His father looked deep in anguish, as if hurt deeply.
Then controlling himself, he said with some difficulty though, I ... never loved your mother. She was a good wife to me, loved me, cared for my kid, and was faithful, she was an angel, but I never loved her. We tried but I hardly felt any sexual attraction for her all my life. We hardly had ever made love, and she was still faithful. I cared for her, but like a friend, and now you've inherited my condition, the same disease as me, I am sorry son, I know even God will never forgive me for the way I rejected the love of my wife. But I just couldn't, I tried, we tried, nothing worked, how many candle-light dinners we had it never sorted itself out. I am sorry son, I am very very sorry, I am your culprit. I am sorry.
Dad, dad stop, he held his dad's hand. Stop it now, stop it now. I want you to listen to me, very carefully, listen to me DAD YOU DON'T HAVE A DISEASE, IT'S NOT A DISEASE. Its a simple choice. Dad tell me how do you like your eggs? Hard-boiled. I like them poached. Its a choice, as simple as that, now do I cry that I don't like omelletes like everyone else? Do you? Its just a choice.
Its just a choice? His dad said. You know my dad called me queer, locked me in my room, then in the basement. He beat me up everyday, even my mother stopped talking to me. I ... was branded, by my dad. Came from work, drunk, came into my room, with this burning iron-poker in this hand, he beat me with it.
I had to say yes, I had no choice.
Dad, its there in the past, gone. Its over. Its gone. Its no more.
I loved my dad, I was so sorry to let him down. Dad, hey dad. Its okay. He could be forgiven? Maybe, said my dad.
Give me an argument, please, I need one.
Okay will do, do you know Oscar Wilde, famous playwright? Yes, suppose so. Well he was a homosexual. So he was tried and I remember this dialog, that took place then.
There was this man C.F.Gill who was examining him in the trial.
Gill: What is "the love that dares not speak its name?"

Wilde: "The love that dares not speak its name" in this century is such a great affection of an elder for a younger man as there was between David and Jonathan, such as Plato made the very basis of his philosophy, and such as you find in the sonnets of Michelangelo and Shakespeare. It is that deep spiritual affection that is as pure as it is perfect. It dictates and pervades great works of art, like those of Shakespeare and Michelangelo, and those two letters of mine, such as they are. It is in this century misunderstood, so much misunderstood that it may be described as 'the love that dares not speak its name', and on that account of it I am placed where I am now. It is beautiful, it is fine, it is the noblest form of affection. There is nothing unnatural about it. It is intellectual, and it repeatedly exists between an older and a younger man, when the older man has intellect, and the younger man has all the joy, hope and glamour of life before him. That it should be so, the world does not understand. The world mocks at it, and sometimes puts one in the pillory for it."
Dad its okay.
His father, was now crying inconsolably, son, could you do something for me?
Anything dad, sure, anything. Whatever you want. He smiled as he said this. Anything.
Son... please kiss me as if you mean to...

Three Sides of A Coin

The two sides of a coin... the same yet so different.
So I asked myself again, should I do it or not? A little voice awoke inside me and said well you'll fail anyways... and then there awoke another voice, of reason saying, wtf is the point anyways? For future reference lets call them Sad and Skeptic respectively.
So anyways one fine day, Sad and Skeptic were staring into the void. You know maybe we could at least get out of the bed, yeah totally but whats the point? Skeptic said.
We could do something new like go fishing or learn how to swim hell even do a few assignments, said a new voice. They both turned, and... there was a new kid in town, lets call him Upbeat, or you can totally call him NKIT and he surely won't mind.
Are you lost, questioned Skeptic or maybe sick, offered Sick.
No I am new in these parts, he replied.
So are we getting up or not? He asked cheerfully? Up! Dued Why would we wanna get up? Well its a new day. It would only bring more sorrows, so its a lot better if I remain in bed, maybe the day would just, you know pass and the next will come. So, okay what will we do when the next day comes? Would you just let it pass you by? NKIT asked, Skeptic looked at Sad unbelievingly, rolled his eyes and said, well dude obviously the next day will come again! Till we die, said Sad mournfully.
What if, and here Upbeat took a divinely long pause, you never die? Well then all the more better, figure I don't have to get up to eat or drink, said Skeptic skeptically(how else?). No you misunderstand me said Upbeat, what if I tell you that you're never gonna die? That sure did make lotsa folks happy, he continued....
At this point Sad interjected, I would be old and alone and have this huge beard, there would be humans on the planet because they'll will leave for intergalactic travel, and I'll be alone lying on a bed what will I do then? Not that I am very proud of it, but let me tell you said Skeptic I would be right here on this bed lying with you. Now at this point NKIT tried to say something but Skeptic said, dude did you not hear that one about how twos a company threes a crowd?
Hey relax guys I am only here to help you.
And the glass is half full? Questioned Skeptic.
Okay guys trust me just this once. Get out of this bed and move around and move around a bit and I'll leave if you think I made no difference. Skeptic looked at Sad, They got out of the bed and dove right back in. Bye Bye said Sad live us with our miserable lives... why do you worry anyways? Yeah Good bye Hope I never see you again. But I shouldn't get my hopes up.
Anyways Upbeat finally got them up dressed and moving, they stepped on the threshold and the sun's rays fell on them. Holy Son of... screamed Skeptic it burns!!!!! Maybe we'll all get Skin Cancer and die painful deaths Sad said miserably. Maybe Upbeat would be burned by the Sun.
So after lotsa deliberations they finally headed out, debating amongst themselves. Where do we go on now? Lets go where our hearts take us! Upbeat said gleefully. He's nuts, commented Skeptic. So anyways the Heart was asked where he wanted to go. He said something but it was not very clear, people anyways find it hard to listen to their hearts anyways. So they randomly wandered for some time and just about the time they were about to head back to the comfort of the bed............. Excuse me, they turned.
The source of this commotion was a Pretty Young Thing whom we can call PYT, mind you she will mind, but she ain't gonna know is she?
This now really complicated the matters, so it was decided to let Skeptic deal with the PYT. Now Skeptic wasn't really a pro in these delicate matters but you're only as good as your best man, aren't you?
So anyways, Skeptic didn't really have a response to that particular statement, so he settled for the wittiest reply of them all “ Duh!” She smiled at the bold strategy and said “ Well hello” Now this one was positively trying to strike up a conversation, could it be avoided asked Skeptic to Sad, no, we're doomed forever anon replied Sad. Skeptic replied to her “ Well hello you” much in the same vein as say “ Well f*** you”. The PYT now tried an entirely new approach “ I need help”, this one was a no-brainer, Skeptic replied “ I am sure you'll find someone.” The duo was already celebrating their victory over the PYT, damn they had done the impossible, that's when Upbeat spoke out of turn ”Can I be of some assistance?”
Well I need to get to this address. She forwarded a piece of paper Sad opened his mouth to explain that though he did want to help, he didn't know this address, that's when Upbeat replied, Sure I am actually headed that way, mind taking a walk, its just a short distance from here!
So where do you live? Well I am just across the street of this address. Do you believe in fate? Don't you think we were actually destined to meet? Dude suxxor, I mean that's like the lamest thing I ever heard in my life, at this point Upbeat again got there first, Yeah I do, I think that there's a plan for all us, its not you know Heavenly, it could be, but I think that there is just a Plan, for everyone its not very clear but it exists.
You think so? She smiled, I couldn't agree more.
Do you believe in God? Do you, suddenly asked Sad, who had been till now been very quiet.
Well, I guess I do! She smiled. And why precisely? Well because he created us and every one, and he created Fate to give us chances like these to improve ourselves. Yes and because nothing ever happens against his will.
What about you? She asked. I don't know replied Sad, if you'd asked me a few a years ago I'd have said Yes I do, but now...
Did something happen? She inquired. No Hell is it necessary for something to happen, and my point is nothing happens... ever. Absolutely nothing. So how do I know if life is not just a series of random events one leading to the other why is it necessary to have this notion of an underlying bed-rock of Certainty. What if there is none? I sometimes think isn't God a creation of our fears? Isn't it somewhat a big-daddy who will protect us from evils and give us food? One can go on to say that the foundation of the creation of God is fear itself. And about Fate, it affects me as much as it affects a fluttering feather floating in air.
There some reason why Quantum Mechanics is the way world is. The universe is not deterministic, there is no plan, there is no God, there is no reality, there is in short... nothing.
Whoa, watch it said Upbeat. Now you can't go on saying whatever you feel like. If you think your birth was a cosmic accident I'll agree, but as for me I know who created me I was created by God. What about Big-bang? The universe was created from nothingness and made into this infinite universe.
Sad replied sorrowfully, ever seen a river... flowing it looks so ordered, a stream of blue all going in the same direction. Yet is you look closely, it ain't so ordered, its restless, particles flowing in ever which direction. That's why potential theories fail, because they can't be applied. There is no order, but Chaos and chaos creating a fragile impression of order. But its frail very fragile and once disturbed, can be disturbed and distorted totally giving something totally else, remember that the next time you smoke.
About Big bang, then my friend.. its a theory not fact... the only proof being the uniform background radiation, well it only means that the universe is isotropic, and that could be because if the universe is infinite then it would obviously be isotropic, whatever local differences there might be would get sorted over the infinite spectrum....
“Wtf” suddenly said the PYT, she was looking at me very strangely what are you she asked, as if the question wasn't insulting enough her tone definitely was the icing on the cake. Excuse me, I said. You.. you talk to yourself, you're mad or something and to think I was taking a walk with you what if you had slit my throat or something that mad-men do? I will tell my dad about it? I'm getting away from you nutter.
Hey wait, I said, I don't understand what you are saying. Oh now you don't understand me, you talk, no debate your own self, and talk strange. You believe that God exists and you also believe that God doesn't no you're not sane.. you are hardly a human... and as soon as that she was gone.
Skeptic was the first to recover from the shock. Now why was that? Who knows. Said Sad.
Well said Upbeat I am headed back to the bed, who wants to race? Well keep your hopes up, personally I am skeptic of you ever winning the race, said Skeptic. Sad just smiled.

The Pessimist

I am a pessimist. I mean the “I don't comb my hair” kind, what is the the point really?
Not the sort of person who brightens up parties just by “being there”, if you know what I mean.
Quite the contrary actually.
So this came as a real surprise, an invitation, to a real party, well that was a first. The folks throwing the party must be real optimists, the half-full glass kind, I guess.
Now the way I looked at it, I would have rather turned up at a funeral for all the fun that I might have, but then I thought, lets give the poor fellow a chance, turn up, after all God Himself said Do A SINGLE good deed and I'll forgive ALL your SINS, or something like that, but that's not the point really.
There was a time I remember when I wouldn't bother to return greetings, what's the point really in useless social rituals?
I should have been a vampire that would have kept people off, but I listened to Classical Rock which is like the second best thing, though you don't really get to change into a bat(that would have been sorta cool though), but people really avoid you, so I am almost there, I have been trying to get bitten but turns out most bats don't give a damn about my blood...
Anyways back to the party... there was no point in turning up or even getting dressed... but then there was no point in getting out of the bed also...
So I turned up there, then I noticed something, other people had packages in their hands, wtf anyways I remembered that it was a b'day party, so I needed a b'day gift damn that was outrageous if I had only known. The nerve of them, not only they expect me to turn up, they expect gifts as well. Now had I been blessed with brains this would be the point where I would return back home and try to get some sleep, not really sleep being the insomniac that I am...
Anyways whatever human interaction virus I had caught was pretty strong so I thought I would get a gift, hand it over and run like hell... that was the plan anyways...
Now I almost reached the Gift-Shop almost without any major accident. So I was crossing this dark lane when I hear Help!!! and there's this incredibly beautiful girl being robbed, so I was no Superman and the robber seemed to be one, so it was a no-brainer, her knight in shimmering armor would arrive soon enough, so on the balance there was no reason to get Karma on my own two hands, especially considering the number of cups I had broken, finally I had to buy steel cups.. but they always leak and a coffee isn't the same in them...
But that is again not the point... so I let Karma happen and went to the Gift-Shop.
When I returned outside, I saw the Girl was standing there waiting for someone. Ever so incredibly she had suddenly started moving towards me... well at least in the same general direction as I was, so on instinct I turned left and she followed so anyways, I turned again and again in the narrow by lanes but she struck on like Dahaka. Now on my day I have even defeated the Dahaka, but today I neither had the Water Sword nor did I even have my analog stick, so I was pretty much screwed, finally by a twist of fate( I have heard that there are writers, of flesh and blood who actually use this phrase, how lame!!!) I was standing at the very same spot as the girl was while being robbed... I had meddled with Karma by not touching it.....
So anyways she caught up with me pretty soon.
I don't have a lot of money but I do have this present its anyways for people I don't really give a damn about... please take it lemme go and I would never ever go to a party. Hell I'd get a proxy for my marriage.
So the girl asks me Why didn't you help me? I mean okay so I am a boy so does that mean every time a girl screws up I rush to her aid? If you're thinking so then Surely You're Mistaken... Nevermind.
So when was it last when you combed your hair? She asked me suddenly. Well yesterday. I mean there was a day such that I had combed my hair yesterday...
So you don't meddle with Karma? That a philosophy of your life? Well actually the philosophy of my life is I don't give a damn...
Why are your eyes so soggy and your skin looks bleached? Well obviously its been a month since I last saw the sun what less do you expect?
Why are you not out in the sun? Well obviously because its damn too hot? In October? Well it was hot a month ago, and with all that Global Warming... who knows??
So we chatted for some bit anyways I remembered the party and the 499.95 present in my hand. What is it? She asked me. Its a video-game. Who are you giving this to? A classmate.
So tell me, what kinda music you listen to? I don't. Hey why are you so defensive, unless you listen to dash-dash-dash( what if i get a defamation suit). Well here it goes, I thought, I listen to classical rock, like Bob Dylan. But ain't he folk rock? Well I mean the whole period I listen from Dylan to the Who...Hang on you know Dylan! Well I listen to him sometimes... I couldn't believe me ears... and Beatles yeah sure... Clapton? do... Dire Straits... intermittently. Floyd... mostly. Barrett( this was too much to hope for but I did ask and held my breath) all the time.... was it a dream. It felt so real... I could see the sun it must be a dream. So well I thought lets go with the flow... So I asked her what do you do when you're not listening to music.. video games.. FPS to MMORPGs'... at this point I thought a girl who listens to Barrett and plays Rise of Nations and F.E.A.R..... do you even exist I asked her and touched well she seemed solid, okay so she was soft and all.... but damn it was no dream at all it reality at its best....
So years later we were getting married and I finally asked her.. Why did you approach me that day anyways? Well she said... I read somewhere that God Himself said Do A SINGLE good deed and I'll REPAY you for it... or something like that but that is not really the point......
SO okay I totally made up that last part... I bought the game and decided I don't give a damn anyways so I went back to my den and hooked up the game... about that girl I don't really know, maybe her knight showed maybe he didn't depends upon the way you look at it...

THE FAMILY



He looked outside the window, the same as ever trees, birds, people with nothing better to do...
He looked at his watch, it was almost time... only an hour to go now.

The explosion tore through the city...

He got out of the house. Dressed to kill, to use the expression. A smile played on his lips, today it would be finished, all over, he would take his daughter, his incredibly beautiful 3 year old daughter and fly away... free from this life of bondage... he didn't like the climate here anyways...

"Papa hungry" his daughter said. He had never refused his daughter, anything ever.
He stopped the truck, asked her to wait there. Minutes later, he was back, bearing an enormous ice-cream in his hand and a package of Swiss chocolates.. have fun he said to her, she smiled, a smile so reminiscent of her mother that he had to fight back a tear... but soon they'll be togehter...

I guess that some people just like to go out with a bang... and if they could take some more people with them, well I guess all the more better for them...

The Pharaohs of Egypt were mummified, and not alone, in the pyramids they were buried with servants and items necessary for them in the afterlife.

The bombing all but destroyed the city-centre, the main hospital, the police station, the fire-station, it had been considered an intelligent idea to put all such important buildings together, but 2000 kgs. of RDX later...
It was an apocalypse of sorts for the residents. When later interviewed the survivors remembered seeing everyone from God to the Little Green Man and held them responsible for such...

Her mother was beautiful, very beautiful and he was just so much in love with her, head over heels... It had taken him years to finally ask her out... She had cried saying that she had stopped hoping that he would ever ask her out... Their courtship had been swift, short and very passionate. Two days later they were married. They didn' t have a lot of money but like many other romantics before them they totally believed that their love would overcome everything. I mean they were in love and good people and God always helped good people didn't he? It was the same routine everyday, one part-time job after other. He claimed their real job was loving each other... but things changed when they had the baby... now he was the only earning member and he had not only earn but also take care of his frail wife. That was when the Grim Reaper, an old family acquintance decided to pay them another visit.
He had cried holding his little child in his arms... he didn't know what to do now, he would have died ofcourse but then there was the child his own daughter, though she didn't look a lot like him was a spiffing image of her mother... he looked at her, and she opened her eyes, closed them, yawned mightily for someone hardly born
and then fell asleep with a smile of contention on her face.
It seemed to him that he might still find happiness...
Then one year later without any warning he showed up at his door... his daughter's father.
He didn't believe it yet though he knew the truth he simply chose not to believe it, not even when he had shown pictures... he had killed him, intelligently enough to make it look like an accident.

Amidst all the ruins lay a man who had suddenly lost everything in his life, he had been terribly wounded and yet miraculously alive, there were people around him who were doing the last thing he wanted them to... save his life, but he hoped he might still die, it happened all the time in the hands of them doctors... why it had happened only three years ago... he closed his eyes and awaited death, but all he could see was his daughter, chocolate smeared on her face, smiling and then... her mother, his wife calling her name, saying she was free for an hour if he cared... of course he did... a smile spread on his face as everything went pitch-black......

Now some clarifications.
The story WE was an idea of ArviKot. But all the work is mine. Actually only the setting of the story is been inherited.
Its a story I m likin more everyday, its got a non-linear plot, its got an open ending, it was totally spontaneous, its got no dialogues, no heavy words, no runon sentences, crisply written... blah blah I didn't know I was so conceited as publicly promoting myself.
The second is the second best in a race of two. But I think it hasn't got so many symbols which make sense only to me as the first one.
The junta might rue the open-endedness of the stories, that amounts to creative oversight on part of the author, I acknowledge that and will definitely make amends before late.
I am though I won't admit it again a greenhorn but I'll learn my craft soon.

I

I is a subjective concept.
Me is a hazy,shady creature inside you, everyone.
This is a story about me. I.
The man lay dead. A fall from the top of a highrise generally accomplishes that. The force with which you hit the ground, is like running headlong into a speeding train.
I had no reason to do either.
I wasn't the Supreme Emperor of the Universe but then, who was?
When I started donating blood, I was still young. But then, I had been foraging an existence on the streets for almost a week.
Bed, good food and a paycheck ensured that I keep coming back.
I had grown up hating needles, hell everyone does. But now was a different story altogether. I'd be excited, I'd get restless, I would not sleep.
I like saying the word out loud, BLOOD.
To me it is all the power, the life-force. You've got blood you could do anything, if you ain't, well you can meet me.
On days, I could easily make a lot of money from the kin of accident victims. But then there would be days on which business would be nil. It was easy, the best job.
I think of my profession as a necessary evil, not much unlike prostitution.
Of course, I did not give veneral diseases in the bargain.

Life is full of complications, two plus two aren't always four.
Hell they ain't even five, they're a lot more probably.

As I was falling, a thought flashed my mind. If I survived, I could make a lot of money donating blood to me.

US


We're inflated out of lies, it could have been truth ...
I have so few memories about what happened last night. Blurred images, faces twisted beyond recognition.
You want the truth, I'll tell you the truth.
There was none.
Everyone can have perceptual errors. The world sort of dims. Gets hazy. It’s like a waking dream, almost.
No, more like waking from deep slumber. Afterlife.
Faced with such situations people concentrate on the world around them. They have another option.
You can do what I did. Shut everything out. Clean slate, clear conscience.

Look for me under the stone,
Seek for me when you are alone,
Come to me when you're home ...

It all started very normally. Oddly enough though.
It was a dream, which was what it was. This is what I choose to believe.
She was there too. Short hair, the works.
The lamp post. Opaque light, seeing was like wading through a sea of molasses. I chose not to. Why was she there? What had brought us together? Fate, Karma, God, Sun Yat Sen, I really don't know.
Hanging over the precipice, I was awaiting the fall.
A quick clean blow always does the job.

Time mayn't be right,
Though you almost gave me a fright,
Look for me when the stars are bright,
I'll come to you when it’s all light...

Ever been blinded by neon lights or at a disc, found you can see or hear nothing.
A subhuman ritual, that's what it is. Your senses function but you get no sense out of the world.
At times like these there is no you. There is a single entity of masses, swaying to peculiar chants as one. Gyrating, the orgy of bliss.
That's what happens when a thousand strong crowd goes berserk. Reason could be anything, religion, tyranny, communism, socialism, Nazism, environmentism, peace, war.
Even worse.
Nothing.
Like the many headed Hydra. Chop a head, two more grow.
The mob is an organism, capable of its own existence, to the destruction of everything else.
Probably it is the acme of human evolution. Survival of the fittest.
She died in my arms and I in hers, but that didn't come until much later.

ME

Who decides my life for me?
I am a schizophrenic, bipolar, autistic introvert. I have every right to remain so. Or so you would have thought.
But not they.
I, was an anomaly. I was a non-conformist. I was a diseased-pest. I was sick. I was so many things but me.
So they put me where they put you, when you're "sick". Restraints, dog-collars, electric shocks, the works.
Who decided that I needed to be cured? Indeed if there was a cure why would I ever want it?
All I wanted was to be left at my resources. But who gets that in this world?
You'd understand. I had to escape! I could not have been there.
And if my window of opportunity opened when I stabbed the guard, then you have to bear with me.
I wasn't a psychopath, definitely not a blood-lusting killer prowling through the streets.
I needed to rest. The lamp post was convenient.
That's where they found us.

SHE

I almost forgot . We sat there for a long while. Did we talk. No. With my blood-splattered clothes and the bloodied butcher's knife in my hand who would have?
But then we're not Romeo and Juliet. And we definitely weren't immortal.
We were just us.

Okay I am not Noel Gallagher and my favourite band is definitely not Oasis but even then "Wonderwall" touched me sufficiently to try writing alt lyrics.
This isn't much good but then that's probably just my opinion.

Aphrodisiac
(Note Bono: I used to think that aphrodisiac means a pain-killer it doesn't but I could not find another substitute Aspirin sounds funny I will give some more thought to this during some exam probably)

I truly felt the pain
when I thought about you everyday
Thought about you everytime,
Numbed by the pain
didn't think I was alive.
Walking down the street people were crying all around.
I don't need any drugs to hallucinate
Coz babe , you're gonna be the one that saves me
and after all you're my Aphrodisiac

I didn't sleep at nights,
Didn't watch the shows
couldn't feel alive.
Then you came around
and smiled,
O baby You're my Aphrodisiac.

Then you went away,
I blew out the lights,
Closed the door,
Locked myself inside.
Coz babe, where's now my
Aphrodisiac?


The Original
Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realised what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way i do about you now
Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way i do about you now
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that i would
Like to say to you
But i don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Today was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realised what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way i do
About you now
And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that i would like to say to you
I don't know how
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

iT HAD TO HAPPEN SOMEDAY
Finally its here
I don't mean the endsems silly they keep comin
I am back blogging and god that feels nice
And we have a special treat
The first love poem by me, is here.
Its called simply

YOU

If only the wounds of my heart
showed on my bare skin...........
You'd probably then might've noticed,
each and every one of them was a creation of yours.

I feel like a shadow,
Skin covering nothingness,
Theres a void,
where you used to be,

No emotion can I emote now,
A smile in response to whatever is thrown at me.

It seems to me
I lost myself
when you went away
'ver to went away

Time passes on, some wounds will never heal.

The lonely walk is all I walk alone,

A flower flowing in the rivers,
wherever the currents take me.

Clouds overhead are me, you see.
Searchin, lookin for you.
Only never to find you.

What Cloud could ever reach the Sun?

Keep walking, smiling,
Sure no sign of you.

My heart only pumps blood,
Stopped beating when you went away.

I can touch but not feel,
back then I could feel without touching.

A part of me has withered, died,
since you've been gone.

The Rest of me never rests,
its still roaming, running in circles.

Where did you go?
Vanished without a trace.

Was it Love?
Wish I could've known
Coz I was ne'er told

Know the funniest thing
I don't know how this ends.

I don't have a title for this poem, but the two good things, it is instantaneous(i mean i wasn't thinking whlie writing, i was feeling)
and no references to lotr or norse mythology or any kinda fantasies


what do you do when you wanna run away
from urself?
you can't run and you can't hide
he follows where you go.
he expects better from you
he laughs when you fail, coz he
already knows
that you're gonna fail.
he is the friend
the enemy
you promise he breaks
you hide he reveals
you know he knows
you hate him
he enjoys this
I am as broken as I was
but he kept pushing pushing
just a bit more, you know you can do it!
and then
there's no point working hard
be the way you are.
and you listen
the lies and the tales he weaves
a world in which you are good
admired loved can do no wrong
ofcourse I m a nobodyhe assures me
so no point working
i hate being alone with him
but that's the way its gonna be
He is probably the happiest soul right now on earth
but why don't i feel happy?
probably I am being needlessly sentimental
or probably i really am happy!!
hahahahahha
i broke another promise
hahahaha
i made someone else angry with myself
other than him
really sorry that I trusted you
everyone tells me
you are no more than a bag of jokes
and a book of sad poems
which in reality are no good
coz you're the only one who "enjoys" them
he sez no no you're not worthless
soo what if your marks are crapped
so what if you're a social failure?
you're the best and you believe him
who will ever know that i walked the meandering paths
of my life?
he watches a movie
oh and it stars me
i am the villian
he the hero
see there i am
and that empty slot over there
its my brain
and only he lives there
Keep worries in the right place: outta his life

Words Of Wisdom(From Those Who Claim They Know)
(Recorded during innumerable Thermo Lectures)
This isn't a defamation, its just I found the content surprising!!

So well okay fine exactly of course.
Some very unique lessons follow so hold on tight(to your Mystery Trains!!)

How do we choose the differential is a very philosophical question.The size of the differential is very small. To the molecular level. The molecule may or mayn't be there. Heisenberg's Uncertainity Principle(HUP).
My Comment: Of all the things in the world, Calculus, Philo, HUP in the same dialogue. Schrodinger, Kaffka and Leibnitz would be turning in their graves.

You don't chuck the baby out.It is important to choose the right differential and neglect the others.
My Comment: Would have commented but could make no sense outta it.

A man who remains is one who remains functional.
My Comment: Of all the things possible!!! What actually is he indicating by functional.

It is my fountain pen. It is my piece of paper. I can give any problem.
My Comment: Of Course. Why not.

After 4 years of graduation, some homogenity comes in the whole batch.
My Comment: I'm sure that I'm definitely not a fairy!!

Our entire technology is based on burning fossil fuels.
My Comment: That was your generation. Nowadays we use antimatter and cold fusion.

Common Sense isn't very common.
My Comment: For once I agree.

Intelligence depends on two factors:
1. The ability to utilize our database.
2. Pure database.
My Comment: Not mine, I am pure brilliance!!

Memory is an important portion of your being intelligent
My Comment: Seriously, why should I learn something I could always look up?


Is the life linear? Suppose you graduate and join a job. If your boss becomes angry then your life can become pretty non-linear. When situation becomes non-linear after determing the non-linearity, we need to take adequate steps.
My Comment: I won't comment on this, I have my standards.


Would be regularly updated, after each thermo lec, and we have 3 of them in a week.

The Life Song

Light shines on a hill top,
Move over,
go there fast.

Did life pass you by?

Staring at the sun,
didn't meet its eye

Stared long, stared hard
fought for hours, the demon's wrath.

Shadows rise, towers plummet,
Evil grows, darkness falls.

And then light,
Hope unseen, unsung,

Radiant as the Evenstar's Elessar,
Earendil in flight,
laugh with delight.
swing from mistletoes,
don't wipe the laughter from your brow.


And then He comes,
and all is lost.
get ready to flee,
figth to survive.

The Champion of Evil,
feeds on your soul,
grows tall, strong
don't cower you coward,
Come forth, fight
Conquer the beast.
Tame the wild.

And then She comes,
Life's desires,
Value for money.
Is that what you're thinking?

I first thought I'd
sing a song.
The tune came to me,
came first, came at last.
Wanering o'er clouded hills,
fighting with sundry skills.

Touch the stone and move the mountains,
Conquer his wrath, face the Fountain.

Kill your idol,
Coz this is rock and roll.

So you thought you sold the world?
You didn't realise, the time was ripe.
People hiding, in the streets fighting.
Calm their souls, soothe their nerves.
Kill your idol,
Say no to drugs.
'Coz we always give a social message

So I killed my idol
and then meself
jumped from a height
coughed blood and broke my bones.
I died, died I not.
I am though not for long.
Pain surpassing,
life passing.

Time flying by.
Can't stop,
can't fight

Should I be the Loser everytime?
Would I be the Loser everytime?
Why am I the Loser everytime?


So I wrote a poem again, Big deal huh! I'll tell you what the big deal is.
Firstly I wasn't thinking while writing, I was supposed to do my Thermo H.W. so I was instead writing my sad thoughts.
The thing is that I first wrote the lines "I first thought I'd sing a song" to "Coz we always give a social message".Then the lines from "Light shone ..." to "and all is lost",then "get ready to flee " to ""Is that what you're thinking" and the rest finally.
But it integrated seamlessly in the end!
I was quite surprised, but the end product is quite palatable and atleast to me it doesn't look like an efforted poem except at one or two points

Where do we go now?

Where do we go now. I can't concentrate !!!!! The first semester is passing right infront of my eyes and I am making the same mistakes as before, I just can see the events happening in the same as the last semester and I am really scared, I have this feeling of deja vu whenever I miss a class or waste time or do something I should be doing, for instance blogging when I should be studying for my exams. This is insane and suicidal. I mean doing something which is gonna hurt. At this point my only aim in life is to make my CPI "decent". You might wanna ask What is a decent CPI? I would quote Tona a fellow blogger(www.arvindkothari.blogspot.com) who would probably be the first to read this " What is a decent CPI? It is just a bit more than whatever is the max you think you can achieve not because its unattainable, but on the contrary it is what you should be aiming for, because you deserve no lesser. " (That I hope was the gist of what he said. And Tona I do listen sometimes to what others are sayin' , for a change!!)
I am just not working as hard as I can. First I go to the Lib and get distracted there owing to the huge crowd which is actually trying very hard to study. Then I decide to stay in my room and study and all I do is to try to complete the 19 albums of Black Sabbath that I have and the 4 Ozzy albums. I am working very hard, about this you can be quite sure.
My roomie has almost given up on me, I am missing classes insubjects with weightage to attendance even when I have the opinion that it is a mortal sin to lose out a mark that I shouldl not be.
Okay this served its purpose I think I will concentrate better now.

Till doubt assails again
Basit

A Life Less Uncommon

The darkness is consuming me,

The raysovthesun don’t reach here up to me.

I m lost, trapped,

A captive of my own army

left to the mercy of my own devices.

Wisdom has dripped away

As has ebbed life.

Know not whither to look

nor where to turn

how far must I go before I return?

The caves are around me,

vicious beasts surround me.

My dreams have become my enemies.

Yet I have found hope in my nightmares.

My destiny lies still with me.

A lover searching for love

an artist in search of his muse,

an alchemist lookin’ for his stone

Hope comes from nowhere, but is everywhere.

I am told.

Carpe diem is what you should believe,

my friends tell me,

Patience and reticence are the virtues you must learn.

But all my mistakes aren’t my own,

Can I wash my sins and can I atone?

There is no sun shining,

nor is the moon lighting my path,

nor do stars twinkle overhead as I walk.

This is my baptization,

this is my trial by fire.

A devotee looking for a god,

A king for a kingdom,

A judge looking for mercy

A healer for a cure,

A fish looking for water pure.

Stumble as I walk,

learn must I how to fly.

The cold sun mocks my labours,

The world laughs at my endeavours,

Held is I by such a breakable thread.

Wargs, witches, werewolves and Sandman,

Orcs, elves, warriors and Madman.

Warlocks, wraiths, he who mustn’t be named and the Lizard King

All wait, all stay,

waiting for me to stand,

so that I may fall again.

Dragons spew fire as Evil spawns a new Heir,

Tales of braveries and virtues long forgotten,

arise awake as with sorrows is the path sodden.

The Dark Lord with his power ring,

The Knight on an unfinished errand.

All I know is Carpe Diem,

All I understand is Carpe Diem.

Its a bird,its a blog......its a superblog
blogs r for humans.for metahumans u need superblogs.
my first metahumans were Indian.i started with nagraj,bhokaal,parmanu,doga(who like punisher isn't really a meta human but his guns do all the talking),dhruv(his intelligence and razor-sharp intelligence make up for his lack of meta powers,though he has trained himself in the language of animals all of which r his friends,he can breathe in water but that is a gift from his pseudo-atlantis friends,but he really has no superpowers).
i discovered spiderman sorta suddenly.i mean i just woke up one day and i knew who spidermanwas.ok i m trying to joke.
but i did pick up the foreigners quite fast.
nyhow i was quite glued to the english cartoons that i grew up watching.
i discovered almost all the meta-humans within a period of three to four years.
this reminds me of an interesting incident.
i was once reading about amazon warriors.
so i discovered that they always had problems with archery as u have to pull the string back and release the string.the string always tended to get obstructed by their bosoms(which by then i was sure were quite ample,at least generally)and in the worst cases they suffered serious injuries.a taut high tension wire can be a really effective gulliotine.it also hampered the speed of the amazon warriors.the mechanical engineer in me tells me that cross-bows can be effective solution for this problem.
however such a story would be very ineffective and plainly very plain and mythologies aren't remembered for the technological advances.so what they actually did was to find a origional solution without changing the state of technology.
yes u'r thinking in the right direction......they actually amputated their right breasts!!!!
so when i came to know about wonder-woman i was actually quite eager to see her pic as i imagined an amazonian warrior who should be looking sorta peculiar.
but needless to say i was let down.
she actually looks quite normal...well she is gorgeous but we're'n't supposed to notice that.
nyhow back to the topic.
i hate superman and sachin tendulkar(for the uninitiated he is 1 of the greatest indian batsmen of all times and the highest run getter too in cricket his batting average is phenomenal and his presence is like the talisman of our team we always play better when he is in good spirits.)for much the same reasons.firstly in this world of greys the are two all good and noble guys.no hidden skeletons in their closets.
secondly they make the justice league and the indian cricket team seem superflous and unnecessary.
thirdly their failure destroys the team morale and guys like flash and kaif have hardly any chance when the biggie fails.
batman is a guy i always admire not because he has to rely on his guts and whatever
but because he is always so composed.
i however always find spidey to be the best guy,and that's simply because he has to face all those heavy odds and make it to his date by overcoming the baddies and mind his baddies are very bad.but he always will make it good coz dandruff and self-doubt and room-rent are his biggest troubles.and because the guy has a real sense of humor
and he keeps a monologue on while facing any1 no matter however much strong that guy
is.
and i absolutely adore samurai jack(he is a character on cartoon network).i love the artwork of the cartoon,its very straight lines kinda and seemingly immaturishly done.
the pictures don't convey the strength of tekken or dragonball-z,but there is a vulnerability all over the place.
jack is a warrior par excellence and he can never be defeated.
but he has an enemy a very powerful and almost indestructible dragon(aku should be the probable spelling of his name) who rules over almost the whole world.he can only
be defeated by the sword that samurai jack has who is also his gravest opponent,the only one that aku can never defeat at the same time aku has sent sam j to the future,
a world in which all technological advances co-exist with ancient wisdom.
sam j roams the world trying to find a way to return to his time,but he has immaculate morals and his dedication and all those good values we were taught about
in morals classes and forgot all about them soon enough.
he is the definition of bravery in the face of overwhelming odds.
he never complains,is serious,doesn't speak much,but that doesn't make him arrogant.
he is the perfect killing machine,but he doesn't kill for fun,only in self-defense.
so i have been raving 'bout the guy for what seems like hours of typing time.
but he fully deserves it.
i think i covered all my major metahumans.
just a little note on the martian manhunter.i like the guy to the point that i sympathise with him.
he is the underloved underdog the guy who always gets ignored, but that doesn't make
him any lesser than the talked about guys.
some food for thought this.

ME MYSELF AND IIT K


so here i am listenin to green day, maroon 5,eminem,clapton,axle rose,dire straits,avril,bon jovi,metallica,coldplay, u2, santana(what i really wanna say is that i have,as i feel a very good and varied taste in music)and composing a below standard blog.
but at least i m being honest.
so i'll write about the things i like, i like music i like good movies i like good computer games but unfortunately i don't still have a nvidia card so i haven't really played the top end games.
but i will do that soon. i like good novels i like gossiping i like good food and resting on my bed listening to avril or clapton or if i am feelin gnr metallica or nirvana but that is only generally when i have no better songs to listen to.i find dire straits blue oyster cult and black sabbath hard to follow i just have a few songs of them on my to listen to.
and i will write about things that i don't like.
of course every1 likes to grumble and i m no exception.
i hate my insti not because i find the courseload very high but because i haven't done nything remarkable here. hey i jus want a little fame.
and i m eccentric and i happen to be aware of this fact.
i will do things that hurt me in the long as well as short runs and i will have no reasons for it.
but of course this is a basit hates the world blog and not basit hates basit blog.
so more on that later.
i hated hp6 immensely i boughtit the day it was released but man the book really stinks.
i mean had it not been for the fact that it is a hp book i doubt it would have been the success its been.
i hate seven the movie for the fact that gwyneth dies and it was a very logical end.
i love its my life by bon jovi

lets sing a song for the broken hearted
a silent prayer for faith departed
and i am gonna be just a face in the crowd
u gonna hear my voice
when i shout it out loud
its my life
its now or never
and i ain't gonna live forever
i jus wanna live my life........

i hate the hindi movies bcoz they're just too long.
i hate the courses that i am takin except for intro to man pro
and not just bcoz its name rhymes but bcoz the course makes me feel like
i m really a mech engg coz that's what i am gonna be.
i hate ragging but even more than that i hate the graveness (in my opinion not truly heartfelt)
with which the admin deals with it.
where were the people, the protectors of the ragged, the cynosure of scared fresher eyes when we were being ragged i mean intro'd ?
let things be but that never happens here.
were in the world do students get time to do things of their choice even if it is reading about chaos theory when they have classes from 8 to 6 (10 hours n i 'm not joking)?
and the things we are taught about ?
don't even get me started about them.
or about the profs ?
of course some are really brilliant profs but what about the rest?
or about the fact that i am rubbish when it comes to outdoor sports.
whoops all this grumbling got me carried away.
the good stuff follows now:
i love the place
i was meant to be here
i have discovered many good frnds here
i am not really eccentric
i am lovin the bloggin feelin
i discovered good music movies and books here.
i enjoy the feeling u get by attending all the classes and being able to understand whatever
is being said.
i love eating whatever f*** they serve in the mess and the canteens
i love night-outs wasting my time doin things like blogging or some such crap
or just discussing things with friends.
i love my hp comp
an i like the company too.
i might just apply for a job there
ny how i haven't yet named my insti bcoz revealing personal info on the net is foolish
but evry1 who knows me knows that i am a student of iit kanpur.
and i am proud of the fact that i got thru the jee.
i love evrything associated with me.
especially things i will be associated for but a brief period like my insti.
i love the air of the place , the bad climate ,the people that one day i'll know no more,the courses i hate , the instuctors i despise the teachers i idolise,my senoirs my juniors ,complaning of the lack of girls in the place ragging freshers then becoming frndly with them the way my seniors did.
the juniors actually respecting you when you behave humanely and talk the way u wished to be adderessed during our ragging.
the seniors sharing their experiences about the courses and the profs.
downloading and listening to the songs that i like.
gossiping the night away while also trying to manage the assignments.
using ms outlook to organise your tasks
watching classy movies listening to pink floyd.
and doing absolutely foolish stuff like creating this senseless blog when i should have been
asleep getting ready for a 10 to 6 day
but i think i can sleep at six and wake up by 8:30 to nine and still live to see more days in my life.
but this is really late or in some sense too early so now i am shutting up my shop .
if u happen to come across my ravings do comment.
i will be awaitin.
i have a feelin that i am not the only crapper on the blog space
i love "the who"
i love "pink floyd"
i love who and what i am coz this is what i would be had i been given a choice.