Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Bloody Sunday I wrote for a lit comptt in my insti
If you, the reader comes across this blog, please pray to God that I may win.
That is if you liked the story.
I have never been published and I desperately want to be.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

My 15 mintues of Immortality

Boring life. Hardly a bank account. Then.....Blood cancer. Last stage. A month left at maximum. Not an impressive resume by any standards. Even for a rookie assassin.
Ah there I am getting ahead of myself again! Old habit of mine for which I sincerely apologize.
Since my tale is long let me do it full justice, and start with the beginning.
It starts with me.
Once upon a time or so it seems now, I was a simple happy go lucky kid. I was never upto no good, I admit, but then I wasn't a bad guy, really. For all we know, I might have been you.
Then something happened, something that I am sure will not happen to you. I mean it might but the odds are very low.
One night I coughed blood.
I was rushed to a nearby hospital, where I had to undergo a flurry of medical tests.
Finally the Doctor came to my room, stood on my doorway. After sometime he started nervously pacing in my room, all around me. This finally started getting on my nerves. I asked what the problem was. The doctor, no I mean the Doctor started crying. “I have cancer”, somehow he managed. “Then why are You crying?” I asked him. “You're my first patient who is going to die. In 27 days give or take a few.”I tried rationalizing, maybe the patient would survive. “No, last stage no chance at all.” By now he had buried his face in my chest and was positively bawling.
The realization that I was the one who was going to die hit me after some time. I was watching sports on TV, then suddenly they announced such and such World Cup 31 days to go. Only.It then hit me and hit me hard. My days were numbered.
The way we go about our lives is pretty amazing. I doubt that any young person has ever given serious thought to death. Maybe because we'll all somehow cheat death. Maybe because our days are numbered anyways.
You know how we often say that when death closes in, the world a lot more beautiful a place to live in. Poetic rubbish. Didn't happen to me. Maybe because I was not in the Hilton but the City Hospital. Maybe because I am a pessimist. But maybe, just maybe because I was frigging dying you know.
There however was not a lot to appreciate in the world I live in. Well there were the curves on my nurse...... But it was not like she'd give a dying patient any.
I would lie in my bed and hear the tick of the clock. Every second would be one lesser. My dreams were of giant hourglasses getting inverted just before running out.
It was around this time that an idea developed in my mind. My friends had come to me on a visit. Ostensibly to encourage me to spend the rest of my days in peace and happiness. As if. It reminded me of the practice of giving consolation prizes. Please don't cry but you lost.
Suddenly I was shouting at them at the top of my voice. Most of it was too explicit to reproduce here. But in gist I reminded the clowns that even their days were numbered. They were so freaked out. You should have seen. Mouths ajar, teared eyes.
Then I was reprimanded, for reminding them of their impending doom. One of them, a girl I rather liked earlier called me a horrible man and asked me to fear God as I was gonna see him soon.
“Well I be damned honey, but so are all of you. Wasn't it God who in his infinite wisdom had decided that I have leukemia?”
Long after everyone had left, I began thinking and an idea started to gain form. I was about to die, in life a total failure, there was so much I wanted to do. I will die and then after me, everyone else will. Everyone will. There must be something that I could do.
A world without a Prime mover. A universe without a Ruler. The Ruler. The One you call God.
I thought of God as a violent thorn on my side. A huge boulder on my path. I had to remove him.
I had to kill God.
The next question was how.
How do you kill God? How indeed? I mean I can't take a chainsaw and randomly slash around.
But to kill God, I needed something more. Finesse artists call it. Skill. Otherwise any grunt with a sword could have done that ages ago.
Most importantly was needed a way to actually reach him. The biggest problem was then to somehow reach the other side of the pearly gates, with hope of return. Once in heaven you could see God. If you could see someone, theoretically, you could kill someone.
It'd seem funny for someone your age, but remember this golden rule.
When in doubt Google.
Before long, a way opened up.
A near death experience.
I had to stray very close to death and then return. In the meanwhile, I'll reach the ethereal world. I'd have to become briefly free of my body, an aatma. God after all is param aatma.
As the fragile shell of emotions that I am, I hardly stood a chance. But freed of the burden, I'd say I stand a decent chance. After all a param aatma is still an aatma.
However much you dislike God, you have to give him that he is a brilliant tactician.
The people he put in Hell are the ones who have already enjoyed life to some extent.
Otherwise, the people who suffered miserably throughout their lives, the ones who cursed His Majesty and then prayed for forgiveness, called him names. They have been lodged in Heaven. Effectively nipping any rebellions in the bud.
Had he done the opposite, he'd have been overthrown. Imagine all the oppressors, sinners in Heaven. All the meek, cowardly oppressed people in Hell. His Kingdom would have been overthrown several times over by now.
I'd say He believes in the adage, Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer.
You have to agree that for a supposedly Divine Being, God does have a really bloated ego.
Look at a typical inmate in Hell. Maybe he/she(question are there any women in Hell? In that case Hell might not be such a bad place after all)was a sloth, or killed or oppressed others, maybe committed adultery or some such thing.
Now Our Lord in Heaven is the One who killed Humans, wiped out dinos even. Even the puny bacterium have not escaped his wrathful eye. On the balance I'd say that God is the biggest tyrant ever.
I mean we're talking about a person who killed his own son.
Its almost as if God can't bear it when anyone else behaves like him. Its like only God may wear Gucci, for everyone else... fig-leaves.
So lets not digress from the tale anymore. Where was I ? Ah! Yes my plan. It was simple.
I was going to slit my wrists 15 minutes before the Doctor came on his checkup rounds for me. Meanwhile, I'll be able to escape my body. Go, find, eliminate God.
Then the Good Doctor will revive me. I'll do away with death. I started becoming heady with my dreams of my future. I'll be a Hero. How my parents will look at me. Everyone will suddenly be talking of me. I'll be the Greatest hero ever for all living beings. Imagine no deaths. Wow.
I decided to do it the coming Sunday. After all God was bound to be in heaven on a Sunday.
When Sunday came I couldn't keep my eyes away from the watch and my hands from the knife I had managed to procure.
At exactly 11:50 I slit my wrists. In all my excitement I don't remember feeling any pain initially. But then it came. I was writhing upon my bed. Make the blood flow stop my body was screaming. Its end so near. But I wouldn't hear of it. Now was the time to be strong.
Then everything started dissolving. Muddied. Darkness. Pitch-black.
And then I saw it. The light at the end of the tunnel.
I was standing at the Pearly Gates. I entered inside. Suddenly I had this thrill. I thought so this is what heaven is. It was a nice place, I must say.
The place was silent as a grave. I had expected, infact counted on some resistance. There had been no-one. Had God in a crazy rampage killed everyone?
Then suddenly in front of me was... My mother. Yeah dude, I'm not kidding. My very own mother. I had been expecting a movieish showdown with a Sauron or Morgoth type. Not being yelled at by my mom.
“Mom” I said, “whatever opinion you have of me, I am doing the only right thing.”
“Am I stopping you?” She asked me.
“No. Listen are you God?”
Half-smiling, she asked me, “are you not?”
“If I didn't understand your reply mother, its not just because of the generation gap you know.”
“No”, she smiled. “Haven't you heard, there is God inside all of us. “
“I have always heard that there is Evil inside all of us.” I replied.
“Always funny, no doubt, always funny.” My mother said.
“Listen God, this is a cheap trick you know, impersonating my mother. I wouldn't kill you now. Though you should die once at least.”
But now I got to return to my body. I hardly have a minute more
Suddenly she looked sad. “About your body...”
“What?” I was suddenly terrified to the very edges of my existence. “Well see it for yourself.”
The Good Doctor was on one knee, proposing his undying love to the Fair Nurse. The Nurse, smiled coyly and said yes. She had always been in love with the Doctor and thought he never noticed. In midst of all this lovemaking my body lay forgotten by its primary care-givers.
In a room not far, a body stopped writhing. It even stopped breathing.
“I am dead.” I said.
“Are you?” she asked me.
It didn't feel like dying. It didn't feel like anything.
“Mom” I said, “I'm sorry that I turned out to be such a disappointment in life.”
“You were not.” She said.
“Really. I have never been any good. I hardly earned.”
“Since when has a mother's love been measured in currency? Or bartered away like a vulgar commodity?” She counter-questioned.
“You have been my sole greatest achievement and all you needed to do was to get conceived.”
Instead of getting pacified, the trauma in me welled up. My anger intensified
“That is all fine for you to say God. You will never have to die. Can you even imagine the infinite pain of death?”
These were the death pangs of my anger.
She again smiled. “What makes you think I don't suffer? Every moment. The destruction of even the most insignificant being. I die along with them. I have died a countless deaths. And in the Human wars? I suffer pain. Grievous, infinite, unimaginable pain. Indeed I might have been vanquished by the pain of it all and ceased to exist.”
“But,” I tentatively asked.
“But for,” she smiled, “the joy of birth. The birth of each and every miraculous creature in my kingdom Ah! The joy of it. The moment of creation”.
“So, on the balance you feel nothing at all.” I said.
She smiled. “Yes on the balance, I am very much like you. After all, I am you.”
A brief moment passed.
“What now?”
“Well do anything you wish.”
“Anything I wish?” I repeated, somewhat confused.
“Well I have a wishing well and a theoretically infinite supply of nickels.” She smiled.
If you wish.
“Oh and by the way, do meet Dirac. Fellow's been doing a lot of interesting work here. You ought to pay him a visit.”