Me Dad

When I last saw me dad, he was crying. He told me. Now here we are and he is no more. I guess the question for me isn't whether or not was he a good man, but did I love him? I think I do... and thus he began telling me a tale ever bit as incredible as any I ever heard.
It was a long time ago...
Dad, I can't do this. I can't marry her.
But son we all did that, didn't we all have our own love stories, we were all attracted to someone or the other... but then we did what our parents told us. You are a fine young man it is but natural that you'll be attracted to people of other sex. But that isn't reason enough to become a rebel....
The son thought for some time, Dad it ain't that simple, his dad laughed c'mon son, how hard could it be, we all have been through this phase of life, tell me about it...
He pondered over what he was about to say, then he began, Dad I think you won't understand but I'll still take a chance after all you're my father how hard could that be. Dad that thing about attraction well I am, but it isn't all that simple, actually, the thing is, I am not attracted to any girl, I am attracted to other guys...
His father was suddenly stern, what did you say right now? See dad hadn't I told you that you won't understand? But this is the fact I did not like any of the girls you folks set me up with, I have never felt sexual attraction of any kind for any woman, ever. I am attracted to other guys.
The father seemed to be at a loss to understand anything, but you have always been surrounded by girls many girls. He smiled they were friends Dad. All of them. They were all about other guys, and if a guy was attracted to them I would give them the occasional tip, and so on. They were good friends dad. Most still are.
Well... I... I don't understand, son I read that people who are molested in their childhood become homosexuals when they grow up, if I ever, I am sorry.
Don't be ridiculous dad, you are the best dad a guy could hope for. That is just a rumor, and you've always been perfect for me.
Homosexuals get AIDS, another misconception, AIDS isn't a divine recrimination for people who are promiscuous, promiscuousness may increase chances of getting AIDS that's all.
But this thing about getting attracted to another guy, I don't understand perhaps you could explain...
I don't claim to be an expert but I'll try me best to explain as well as I can.
I don't think that attraction for a guy is any different from attraction for a girl.
But dad asked, see a guy and a girl they fulfill a purpose, they can procreate, continue their bloodlines... but this is unnatural, this is wrong no religion considers it right, it is a criminal offense in many countries....
It is considered to be a kind of mental illness.
Had sexuality of this kind been common it would have been in the rest of the world too, I think it is just a media propaganda... of some kind.
Well I'll tell you what I know. First homosexuality has been around, as long as for ever... it is definitely not a mental illness, that is just a dark ages propaganda, just like the witch-hunting of middle ages.
Only the three Semitic religions have openly spoken out against it that is Jews, Christians and Muslims, then again their books hardly say anything, homosexuality was called a sin by the religious guy but then they were sure that earth is at the center of the universe, most still are...
About animals, well generally homosexuality has been noticed generally in higher animals,but the animals displaying significant homosexual behavior are penguins(who are known to mate for life and make nests, and rear rocks) , dolphins, higher primates, all kinds of cattle, sheep and of course humans.
Homosexuality was practiced by armies of Greece, who believed that a man will fight better if the men fighting alongside him are the one he loved. Homosexual love has been described in the Bible, know David? The one who killed Goliath with a stone. Well there's the story of David and Johnathan who was the son of Saul King of Israel, whose daughter David married, the David who later became the King David father of King Solomon.
Attraction is abstract, it is independent. It doesn't care.
If you ask me why am I attracted to a guy and not a girl, well I have no answers?
But then why is anyone attracted to anybody else? I agree it could just be a sexual infatuation, but who decided that a man can only love a woman and vice versa? We have the choice to ourselves, who to love and whom to care is not and should not be decided by anyone else. It makes me sick, the amount of persecution that we have to face just because we make such a simple choice, why couldn't people try and understand?
Dad then said, Son I think that people have this tendency, that every one should be like them, especially when I look at you I think you should be the way I was and my parents before....
But Dad no one is anyone else. Ain't that true. Gibran said “your children are not your children.”
But I still don't understand.
Dad let me explain. A guy sees a girl, and gets attracted to her. Now how does that happen? When a person is attracted to someone else sexually what does it mean?
Many perfectly “straight” people are opposed to the very idea of their females being the active partner in a sexual session, but there are other who will role-play and try bondage with straitjackets, handcuffs etc. Many people swap partners, have orgies while others are true to each till the very end.
What decides that monogamous love with the female as the passive partner is the only noble love and others are just wrong?
So what do these difference mean? Well for one we are all different, we are not equal, we are not a crowd, Hell we aren't even We. We are all unique, hence we are individuals.
But that is a topic for a different time.
What I mean is that it definitely is not wrong to be attracted to anybody, its a person's own choice, totally, completely.
It is unnatural, it is not wrong, it is not a disease, it definitely is not a crime, its been around for ages (well almost as long as Eve ate that apple and gave in to her temptation(like its such a hot fuss to get tempted!))
and if we don't give a damn wonder why the rest of the world does?
His father looked deep in anguish, as if hurt deeply.
Then controlling himself, he said with some difficulty though, I ... never loved your mother. She was a good wife to me, loved me, cared for my kid, and was faithful, she was an angel, but I never loved her. We tried but I hardly felt any sexual attraction for her all my life. We hardly had ever made love, and she was still faithful. I cared for her, but like a friend, and now you've inherited my condition, the same disease as me, I am sorry son, I know even God will never forgive me for the way I rejected the love of my wife. But I just couldn't, I tried, we tried, nothing worked, how many candle-light dinners we had it never sorted itself out. I am sorry son, I am very very sorry, I am your culprit. I am sorry.
Dad, dad stop, he held his dad's hand. Stop it now, stop it now. I want you to listen to me, very carefully, listen to me DAD YOU DON'T HAVE A DISEASE, IT'S NOT A DISEASE. Its a simple choice. Dad tell me how do you like your eggs? Hard-boiled. I like them poached. Its a choice, as simple as that, now do I cry that I don't like omelletes like everyone else? Do you? Its just a choice.
Its just a choice? His dad said. You know my dad called me queer, locked me in my room, then in the basement. He beat me up everyday, even my mother stopped talking to me. I ... was branded, by my dad. Came from work, drunk, came into my room, with this burning iron-poker in this hand, he beat me with it.
I had to say yes, I had no choice.
Dad, its there in the past, gone. Its over. Its gone. Its no more.
I loved my dad, I was so sorry to let him down. Dad, hey dad. Its okay. He could be forgiven? Maybe, said my dad.
Give me an argument, please, I need one.
Okay will do, do you know Oscar Wilde, famous playwright? Yes, suppose so. Well he was a homosexual. So he was tried and I remember this dialog, that took place then.
There was this man C.F.Gill who was examining him in the trial.
Gill: What is "the love that dares not speak its name?"

Wilde: "The love that dares not speak its name" in this century is such a great affection of an elder for a younger man as there was between David and Jonathan, such as Plato made the very basis of his philosophy, and such as you find in the sonnets of Michelangelo and Shakespeare. It is that deep spiritual affection that is as pure as it is perfect. It dictates and pervades great works of art, like those of Shakespeare and Michelangelo, and those two letters of mine, such as they are. It is in this century misunderstood, so much misunderstood that it may be described as 'the love that dares not speak its name', and on that account of it I am placed where I am now. It is beautiful, it is fine, it is the noblest form of affection. There is nothing unnatural about it. It is intellectual, and it repeatedly exists between an older and a younger man, when the older man has intellect, and the younger man has all the joy, hope and glamour of life before him. That it should be so, the world does not understand. The world mocks at it, and sometimes puts one in the pillory for it."
Dad its okay.
His father, was now crying inconsolably, son, could you do something for me?
Anything dad, sure, anything. Whatever you want. He smiled as he said this. Anything.
Son... please kiss me as if you mean to...