Sunday, November 12, 2006


We hear so many histories all the time, around every corner. Everyone seems to have a version of their own. Yet they are not the only stories that exist. Muted and ignored, exist other stories, like the rustling of tree-leaves in a gale, the tears of a mother in epic wars. These stories, often never told otherwise promptly forgotten, are her stories.
Pay attention because I am going to narrate such a tale to you. You must have heard this tale before in many forms and under many names. Yet this is different. It is a tale of hope, of tribulations and a quest for redemption. Let me take you there.......

"Please don't drink". He snatched the glass from her. "For God's sake this is the first month of your pregnancy, you are about to become a mother please don't do this. For the sake our child. Don't drink, don't smoke. He is yet to be born. "
"What if ...." his voice trailed off.
That was just few months ago but it seemed like centuries ago. She thought.
But those were the good salad days. Before they had that test done. Her in-laws had wanted a baby in the very first year of their marriage, that she wanted to concentrate on her career was absolutely not considered important. "Besides,' her father-in-law said"it is the duty of a daughter-in-law to give the family a few children and then devote her life to taking care of her husband and children."
The test, it is a crime she had told them,"yes" his in-laws had agreed, "but how will anyone know," they had countered. Besides, her mother-in-law said, "I know that you are bringing home a grandson for me, I just want to be sure." She had said in her best voice.
Reluctantly she had agreed. The results came out. She was as tense as she had been in giving exams in her school. It was a girl. At first they all seemed to be consoling like she really had failed a test. Then suddenly one day, her mother-in-law floated an idea on the dinner table.

Her mother-in-law was very adamant. "I deserve to have a grandson not another granddaughter like from the other bahu who had only given her only three daughters, and not a single son."
She said she had not a lot of life left in her, the Lord would take her away any day, she couldn't wait much longer. Also she didn't want anymore grand-daughters, there already were so many of them that she didn't even remember all their names.

She called her mother secretly. She started crying as soon as she called, her mother was very troubled "Why are you crying?" She asked her. "What's wrong tell me?"
She poured her heart out. Her mother had stiffened after hearing the whole story. "You have to do it," she told her. "You have no choice, and I can't interfere in any way. After all we are not related anymore. His mother is now your mother. Not me."
"But mother you have to protect me. You must understand me.” “No you have to understand beti, I can't do anything, my hands are tied.” “But mother, even you are a mother, can't you understand another mother's plight?" Even her mother started crying now. "I do beti, I do but you must understand me and you will one day, I am sure. When your brother brings home a bahu, even I will want a grandson...."

She tried to make them reason, doesn't her daughter deserve to live, to see this world with her own eyes? But he didn't listen to her, it is not a daughter till it is born.
One day, he came to explain "we want a son." He tried to act reasonable and tell her this.
"When was it decided that we want a son and not a child" she asked him angrily. "It is not as if I don't feel pained," he again said reasonably, but his voice shaking with the struggle to control his anger. He wanted to hit her, shut her up, make her realise who the boss really was. Maybe he loved her, but it was all getting very ambiguous. What she called the daughter was still only a month old and had no consciousness of its own.
"Pain, you feel?"She was now shouting, "You brute, what do you feel? Your own daughter, and you want her dead! Pained he says. It is beyond you to feel."
He slapped her, an error of judgment on his part, but he couldn't control it. Already she earned more than him, his boss in his own office. He was the laughing stock of the community, a joru ka ghulam and now a daughter.... why people will start questioning if he really was a man. She had controlled him so brutally but now he will show her what stuff was he made of.

She was forced into going to the Clinic. She tried to resist for some time, but after being bullied and beaten up, she couldn't take it anymore. They put her in a car and dragged her all the way, maybe they wanted to kill the baby in her womb. She had just sat in the car and cried all the time, and asked herself the same questions again and again... the same thoughts in her head...."How can anyone else take decisions for her? Was a girl-child not a child? Was she in any way an inferior being?"

She was forced onto to the operation table, drugged so she might not feel as her child died. In the drug-induced stupor, she could feel her womb being violated and found herself utterly powerless to take any action..... However, she could see now. She could hear them now. The cries of the woman being beaten by her husband. The screams of the burning bride who couldn't pay her dowry,the moans of the young girl being raped by her uncle, the sobs of the daughter, not loved by her own parents. Not just that, she could even feel. The uneasiness of the secretary alone with her lecherous boss, the country belle who wanted to learn how to read like her brother, the woman tilling the fields with so many mouths to feed, a drunk for a husband and an infant on her back.......
Her story wasn't just her own story, everyone's story was her story. She couldn't just leave them as they were, pained and exploited. It was her responsibility.
Despite all the progress and all the talk of equality that goes on, something was definitely wrong.
She could feel the pain of a planet of women and it was indistinguishable from hers.... Could nothing be done? Was there no way to reduce their pain and suffering?
She could not change thousands of years of wrongs in her brief life-span. But yet a lot could be done.
Ages of prejudices don't disappear in thin air, but with hard work and trust the impossible could be achieved. No one else should have to undergo the same trial as she, no one else's daughter should suffer the same fate as her own. Everyone is unique and this fact needs to be realized. No one is a substitute for another. There is only one me, she thought. But the same doubt arose in her head again. What can she do alone? How can she overcome such a formidable adversary, when she could not save her own womb? Then she realized, she was not alone. All the women whose pain was her were one with her.
Alone she might not be able to do anything but together with everyone, the odds favored her.
When she came to consciousness again she was lying on the operation table. The familiar weight of where her daughter used to be was no longer there. She no longer existed inside her. “They had taken her from me,” she said aloud and couldn't stop the tears that began flowing. She crouched into a fetal position, crying. Suddenly her tears stopped. She looked outside the window, the sun was rising. The dawn of a new day. She had lost her daughter, but a birth had taken place in the abortion clinic. She had been born, again. She stared defiantly into the sun. It was going to be a glorious new day. I didn't see it, but I think there was the hint of a smile on her lips.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006


How can you know love
without the infinite pain of solitude?

You wither and fade
until a shell is left,
hollow yet full of emptiness...

And who has known love
without being severed, cut and yet seeemigly whole.

An echo is all i hear,
even when nothing is there.
Shadows are all my perceptions
devoid of form, of purpose.

Dark might be the path I tread on
but I know one day we'll meet
and there still is hope.

Very short for a poem. But surprise, surprise a SONNET yipeeee!!!!!
I am maturing as a poet though I know I promised no more poems to myself.
But I was sitting in my room and the words started screaming in my head and I just had to let them out( if you know what I mean).
Thanx to a coupla drunks(mind my brothers, guys I have a lot of regard for, so don't get any funny ideas) in my room, I was unable to do anything quickly.
Thus I couldn't recollect all of it and had to alter the form a bit. I even lost a few words.
Had that not happened, it would have been a spectacular poem, now its just its own poor cousin.
But then life's not about the ifs in any case, which when I think about, is what this poem is really all about.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

edited bloody sunday( didn't like the name anyways i guess :P)
renamed and sum grammar( thank god for that)

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Bloody Sunday I wrote for a lit comptt in my insti
If you, the reader comes across this blog, please pray to God that I may win.
That is if you liked the story.
I have never been published and I desperately want to be.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

My 15 mintues of Immortality

Boring life. Hardly a bank account. Then.....Blood cancer. Last stage. A month left at maximum. Not an impressive resume by any standards. Even for a rookie assassin.
Ah there I am getting ahead of myself again! Old habit of mine for which I sincerely apologize.
Since my tale is long let me do it full justice, and start with the beginning.
It starts with me.
Once upon a time or so it seems now, I was a simple happy go lucky kid. I was never upto no good, I admit, but then I wasn't a bad guy, really. For all we know, I might have been you.
Then something happened, something that I am sure will not happen to you. I mean it might but the odds are very low.
One night I coughed blood.
I was rushed to a nearby hospital, where I had to undergo a flurry of medical tests.
Finally the Doctor came to my room, stood on my doorway. After sometime he started nervously pacing in my room, all around me. This finally started getting on my nerves. I asked what the problem was. The doctor, no I mean the Doctor started crying. “I have cancer”, somehow he managed. “Then why are You crying?” I asked him. “You're my first patient who is going to die. In 27 days give or take a few.”I tried rationalizing, maybe the patient would survive. “No, last stage no chance at all.” By now he had buried his face in my chest and was positively bawling.
The realization that I was the one who was going to die hit me after some time. I was watching sports on TV, then suddenly they announced such and such World Cup 31 days to go. Only.It then hit me and hit me hard. My days were numbered.
The way we go about our lives is pretty amazing. I doubt that any young person has ever given serious thought to death. Maybe because we'll all somehow cheat death. Maybe because our days are numbered anyways.
You know how we often say that when death closes in, the world a lot more beautiful a place to live in. Poetic rubbish. Didn't happen to me. Maybe because I was not in the Hilton but the City Hospital. Maybe because I am a pessimist. But maybe, just maybe because I was frigging dying you know.
There however was not a lot to appreciate in the world I live in. Well there were the curves on my nurse...... But it was not like she'd give a dying patient any.
I would lie in my bed and hear the tick of the clock. Every second would be one lesser. My dreams were of giant hourglasses getting inverted just before running out.
It was around this time that an idea developed in my mind. My friends had come to me on a visit. Ostensibly to encourage me to spend the rest of my days in peace and happiness. As if. It reminded me of the practice of giving consolation prizes. Please don't cry but you lost.
Suddenly I was shouting at them at the top of my voice. Most of it was too explicit to reproduce here. But in gist I reminded the clowns that even their days were numbered. They were so freaked out. You should have seen. Mouths ajar, teared eyes.
Then I was reprimanded, for reminding them of their impending doom. One of them, a girl I rather liked earlier called me a horrible man and asked me to fear God as I was gonna see him soon.
“Well I be damned honey, but so are all of you. Wasn't it God who in his infinite wisdom had decided that I have leukemia?”
Long after everyone had left, I began thinking and an idea started to gain form. I was about to die, in life a total failure, there was so much I wanted to do. I will die and then after me, everyone else will. Everyone will. There must be something that I could do.
A world without a Prime mover. A universe without a Ruler. The Ruler. The One you call God.
I thought of God as a violent thorn on my side. A huge boulder on my path. I had to remove him.
I had to kill God.
The next question was how.
How do you kill God? How indeed? I mean I can't take a chainsaw and randomly slash around.
But to kill God, I needed something more. Finesse artists call it. Skill. Otherwise any grunt with a sword could have done that ages ago.
Most importantly was needed a way to actually reach him. The biggest problem was then to somehow reach the other side of the pearly gates, with hope of return. Once in heaven you could see God. If you could see someone, theoretically, you could kill someone.
It'd seem funny for someone your age, but remember this golden rule.
When in doubt Google.
Before long, a way opened up.
A near death experience.
I had to stray very close to death and then return. In the meanwhile, I'll reach the ethereal world. I'd have to become briefly free of my body, an aatma. God after all is param aatma.
As the fragile shell of emotions that I am, I hardly stood a chance. But freed of the burden, I'd say I stand a decent chance. After all a param aatma is still an aatma.
However much you dislike God, you have to give him that he is a brilliant tactician.
The people he put in Hell are the ones who have already enjoyed life to some extent.
Otherwise, the people who suffered miserably throughout their lives, the ones who cursed His Majesty and then prayed for forgiveness, called him names. They have been lodged in Heaven. Effectively nipping any rebellions in the bud.
Had he done the opposite, he'd have been overthrown. Imagine all the oppressors, sinners in Heaven. All the meek, cowardly oppressed people in Hell. His Kingdom would have been overthrown several times over by now.
I'd say He believes in the adage, Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer.
You have to agree that for a supposedly Divine Being, God does have a really bloated ego.
Look at a typical inmate in Hell. Maybe he/she(question are there any women in Hell? In that case Hell might not be such a bad place after all)was a sloth, or killed or oppressed others, maybe committed adultery or some such thing.
Now Our Lord in Heaven is the One who killed Humans, wiped out dinos even. Even the puny bacterium have not escaped his wrathful eye. On the balance I'd say that God is the biggest tyrant ever.
I mean we're talking about a person who killed his own son.
Its almost as if God can't bear it when anyone else behaves like him. Its like only God may wear Gucci, for everyone else... fig-leaves.
So lets not digress from the tale anymore. Where was I ? Ah! Yes my plan. It was simple.
I was going to slit my wrists 15 minutes before the Doctor came on his checkup rounds for me. Meanwhile, I'll be able to escape my body. Go, find, eliminate God.
Then the Good Doctor will revive me. I'll do away with death. I started becoming heady with my dreams of my future. I'll be a Hero. How my parents will look at me. Everyone will suddenly be talking of me. I'll be the Greatest hero ever for all living beings. Imagine no deaths. Wow.
I decided to do it the coming Sunday. After all God was bound to be in heaven on a Sunday.
When Sunday came I couldn't keep my eyes away from the watch and my hands from the knife I had managed to procure.
At exactly 11:50 I slit my wrists. In all my excitement I don't remember feeling any pain initially. But then it came. I was writhing upon my bed. Make the blood flow stop my body was screaming. Its end so near. But I wouldn't hear of it. Now was the time to be strong.
Then everything started dissolving. Muddied. Darkness. Pitch-black.
And then I saw it. The light at the end of the tunnel.
I was standing at the Pearly Gates. I entered inside. Suddenly I had this thrill. I thought so this is what heaven is. It was a nice place, I must say.
The place was silent as a grave. I had expected, infact counted on some resistance. There had been no-one. Had God in a crazy rampage killed everyone?
Then suddenly in front of me was... My mother. Yeah dude, I'm not kidding. My very own mother. I had been expecting a movieish showdown with a Sauron or Morgoth type. Not being yelled at by my mom.
“Mom” I said, “whatever opinion you have of me, I am doing the only right thing.”
“Am I stopping you?” She asked me.
“No. Listen are you God?”
Half-smiling, she asked me, “are you not?”
“If I didn't understand your reply mother, its not just because of the generation gap you know.”
“No”, she smiled. “Haven't you heard, there is God inside all of us. “
“I have always heard that there is Evil inside all of us.” I replied.
“Always funny, no doubt, always funny.” My mother said.
“Listen God, this is a cheap trick you know, impersonating my mother. I wouldn't kill you now. Though you should die once at least.”
But now I got to return to my body. I hardly have a minute more
Suddenly she looked sad. “About your body...”
“What?” I was suddenly terrified to the very edges of my existence. “Well see it for yourself.”
The Good Doctor was on one knee, proposing his undying love to the Fair Nurse. The Nurse, smiled coyly and said yes. She had always been in love with the Doctor and thought he never noticed. In midst of all this lovemaking my body lay forgotten by its primary care-givers.
In a room not far, a body stopped writhing. It even stopped breathing.
“I am dead.” I said.
“Are you?” she asked me.
It didn't feel like dying. It didn't feel like anything.
“Mom” I said, “I'm sorry that I turned out to be such a disappointment in life.”
“You were not.” She said.
“Really. I have never been any good. I hardly earned.”
“Since when has a mother's love been measured in currency? Or bartered away like a vulgar commodity?” She counter-questioned.
“You have been my sole greatest achievement and all you needed to do was to get conceived.”
Instead of getting pacified, the trauma in me welled up. My anger intensified
“That is all fine for you to say God. You will never have to die. Can you even imagine the infinite pain of death?”
These were the death pangs of my anger.
She again smiled. “What makes you think I don't suffer? Every moment. The destruction of even the most insignificant being. I die along with them. I have died a countless deaths. And in the Human wars? I suffer pain. Grievous, infinite, unimaginable pain. Indeed I might have been vanquished by the pain of it all and ceased to exist.”
“But,” I tentatively asked.
“But for,” she smiled, “the joy of birth. The birth of each and every miraculous creature in my kingdom Ah! The joy of it. The moment of creation”.
“So, on the balance you feel nothing at all.” I said.
She smiled. “Yes on the balance, I am very much like you. After all, I am you.”
A brief moment passed.
“What now?”
“Well do anything you wish.”
“Anything I wish?” I repeated, somewhat confused.
“Well I have a wishing well and a theoretically infinite supply of nickels.” She smiled.
If you wish.
“Oh and by the way, do meet Dirac. Fellow's been doing a lot of interesting work here. You ought to pay him a visit.”

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Me Dad

When I last saw me dad, he was crying. He told me. Now here we are and he is no more. I guess the question for me isn't whether or not was he a good man, but did I love him? I think I do... and thus he began telling me a tale ever bit as incredible as any I ever heard.
It was a long time ago...
Dad, I can't do this. I can't marry her.
But son we all did that, didn't we all have our own love stories, we were all attracted to someone or the other... but then we did what our parents told us. You are a fine young man it is but natural that you'll be attracted to people of other sex. But that isn't reason enough to become a rebel....
The son thought for some time, Dad it ain't that simple, his dad laughed c'mon son, how hard could it be, we all have been through this phase of life, tell me about it...
He pondered over what he was about to say, then he began, Dad I think you won't understand but I'll still take a chance after all you're my father how hard could that be. Dad that thing about attraction well I am, but it isn't all that simple, actually, the thing is, I am not attracted to any girl, I am attracted to other guys...
His father was suddenly stern, what did you say right now? See dad hadn't I told you that you won't understand? But this is the fact I did not like any of the girls you folks set me up with, I have never felt sexual attraction of any kind for any woman, ever. I am attracted to other guys.
The father seemed to be at a loss to understand anything, but you have always been surrounded by girls many girls. He smiled they were friends Dad. All of them. They were all about other guys, and if a guy was attracted to them I would give them the occasional tip, and so on. They were good friends dad. Most still are.
Well... I... I don't understand, son I read that people who are molested in their childhood become homosexuals when they grow up, if I ever, I am sorry.
Don't be ridiculous dad, you are the best dad a guy could hope for. That is just a rumor, and you've always been perfect for me.
Homosexuals get AIDS, another misconception, AIDS isn't a divine recrimination for people who are promiscuous, promiscuousness may increase chances of getting AIDS that's all.
But this thing about getting attracted to another guy, I don't understand perhaps you could explain...
I don't claim to be an expert but I'll try me best to explain as well as I can.
I don't think that attraction for a guy is any different from attraction for a girl.
But dad asked, see a guy and a girl they fulfill a purpose, they can procreate, continue their bloodlines... but this is unnatural, this is wrong no religion considers it right, it is a criminal offense in many countries....
It is considered to be a kind of mental illness.
Had sexuality of this kind been common it would have been in the rest of the world too, I think it is just a media propaganda... of some kind.
Well I'll tell you what I know. First homosexuality has been around, as long as for ever... it is definitely not a mental illness, that is just a dark ages propaganda, just like the witch-hunting of middle ages.
Only the three Semitic religions have openly spoken out against it that is Jews, Christians and Muslims, then again their books hardly say anything, homosexuality was called a sin by the religious guy but then they were sure that earth is at the center of the universe, most still are...
About animals, well generally homosexuality has been noticed generally in higher animals,but the animals displaying significant homosexual behavior are penguins(who are known to mate for life and make nests, and rear rocks) , dolphins, higher primates, all kinds of cattle, sheep and of course humans.
Homosexuality was practiced by armies of Greece, who believed that a man will fight better if the men fighting alongside him are the one he loved. Homosexual love has been described in the Bible, know David? The one who killed Goliath with a stone. Well there's the story of David and Johnathan who was the son of Saul King of Israel, whose daughter David married, the David who later became the King David father of King Solomon.
Attraction is abstract, it is independent. It doesn't care.
If you ask me why am I attracted to a guy and not a girl, well I have no answers?
But then why is anyone attracted to anybody else? I agree it could just be a sexual infatuation, but who decided that a man can only love a woman and vice versa? We have the choice to ourselves, who to love and whom to care is not and should not be decided by anyone else. It makes me sick, the amount of persecution that we have to face just because we make such a simple choice, why couldn't people try and understand?
Dad then said, Son I think that people have this tendency, that every one should be like them, especially when I look at you I think you should be the way I was and my parents before....
But Dad no one is anyone else. Ain't that true. Gibran said “your children are not your children.”
But I still don't understand.
Dad let me explain. A guy sees a girl, and gets attracted to her. Now how does that happen? When a person is attracted to someone else sexually what does it mean?
Many perfectly “straight” people are opposed to the very idea of their females being the active partner in a sexual session, but there are other who will role-play and try bondage with straitjackets, handcuffs etc. Many people swap partners, have orgies while others are true to each till the very end.
What decides that monogamous love with the female as the passive partner is the only noble love and others are just wrong?
So what do these difference mean? Well for one we are all different, we are not equal, we are not a crowd, Hell we aren't even We. We are all unique, hence we are individuals.
But that is a topic for a different time.
What I mean is that it definitely is not wrong to be attracted to anybody, its a person's own choice, totally, completely.
It is unnatural, it is not wrong, it is not a disease, it definitely is not a crime, its been around for ages (well almost as long as Eve ate that apple and gave in to her temptation(like its such a hot fuss to get tempted!))
and if we don't give a damn wonder why the rest of the world does?
His father looked deep in anguish, as if hurt deeply.
Then controlling himself, he said with some difficulty though, I ... never loved your mother. She was a good wife to me, loved me, cared for my kid, and was faithful, she was an angel, but I never loved her. We tried but I hardly felt any sexual attraction for her all my life. We hardly had ever made love, and she was still faithful. I cared for her, but like a friend, and now you've inherited my condition, the same disease as me, I am sorry son, I know even God will never forgive me for the way I rejected the love of my wife. But I just couldn't, I tried, we tried, nothing worked, how many candle-light dinners we had it never sorted itself out. I am sorry son, I am very very sorry, I am your culprit. I am sorry.
Dad, dad stop, he held his dad's hand. Stop it now, stop it now. I want you to listen to me, very carefully, listen to me DAD YOU DON'T HAVE A DISEASE, IT'S NOT A DISEASE. Its a simple choice. Dad tell me how do you like your eggs? Hard-boiled. I like them poached. Its a choice, as simple as that, now do I cry that I don't like omelletes like everyone else? Do you? Its just a choice.
Its just a choice? His dad said. You know my dad called me queer, locked me in my room, then in the basement. He beat me up everyday, even my mother stopped talking to me. I ... was branded, by my dad. Came from work, drunk, came into my room, with this burning iron-poker in this hand, he beat me with it.
I had to say yes, I had no choice.
Dad, its there in the past, gone. Its over. Its gone. Its no more.
I loved my dad, I was so sorry to let him down. Dad, hey dad. Its okay. He could be forgiven? Maybe, said my dad.
Give me an argument, please, I need one.
Okay will do, do you know Oscar Wilde, famous playwright? Yes, suppose so. Well he was a homosexual. So he was tried and I remember this dialog, that took place then.
There was this man C.F.Gill who was examining him in the trial.
Gill: What is "the love that dares not speak its name?"

Wilde: "The love that dares not speak its name" in this century is such a great affection of an elder for a younger man as there was between David and Jonathan, such as Plato made the very basis of his philosophy, and such as you find in the sonnets of Michelangelo and Shakespeare. It is that deep spiritual affection that is as pure as it is perfect. It dictates and pervades great works of art, like those of Shakespeare and Michelangelo, and those two letters of mine, such as they are. It is in this century misunderstood, so much misunderstood that it may be described as 'the love that dares not speak its name', and on that account of it I am placed where I am now. It is beautiful, it is fine, it is the noblest form of affection. There is nothing unnatural about it. It is intellectual, and it repeatedly exists between an older and a younger man, when the older man has intellect, and the younger man has all the joy, hope and glamour of life before him. That it should be so, the world does not understand. The world mocks at it, and sometimes puts one in the pillory for it."
Dad its okay.
His father, was now crying inconsolably, son, could you do something for me?
Anything dad, sure, anything. Whatever you want. He smiled as he said this. Anything.
Son... please kiss me as if you mean to...

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Three Sides of A Coin

The two sides of a coin... the same yet so different.
So I asked myself again, should I do it or not? A little voice awoke inside me and said well you'll fail anyways... and then there awoke another voice, of reason saying, wtf is the point anyways? For future reference lets call them Sad and Skeptic respectively.
So anyways one fine day, Sad and Skeptic were staring into the void. You know maybe we could at least get out of the bed, yeah totally but whats the point? Skeptic said.
We could do something new like go fishing or learn how to swim hell even do a few assignments, said a new voice. They both turned, and... there was a new kid in town, lets call him Upbeat, or you can totally call him NKIT and he surely won't mind.
Are you lost, questioned Skeptic or maybe sick, offered Sick.
No I am new in these parts, he replied.
So are we getting up or not? He asked cheerfully? Up! Dued Why would we wanna get up? Well its a new day. It would only bring more sorrows, so its a lot better if I remain in bed, maybe the day would just, you know pass and the next will come. So, okay what will we do when the next day comes? Would you just let it pass you by? NKIT asked, Skeptic looked at Sad unbelievingly, rolled his eyes and said, well dude obviously the next day will come again! Till we die, said Sad mournfully.
What if, and here Upbeat took a divinely long pause, you never die? Well then all the more better, figure I don't have to get up to eat or drink, said Skeptic skeptically(how else?). No you misunderstand me said Upbeat, what if I tell you that you're never gonna die? That sure did make lotsa folks happy, he continued....
At this point Sad interjected, I would be old and alone and have this huge beard, there would be humans on the planet because they'll will leave for intergalactic travel, and I'll be alone lying on a bed what will I do then? Not that I am very proud of it, but let me tell you said Skeptic I would be right here on this bed lying with you. Now at this point NKIT tried to say something but Skeptic said, dude did you not hear that one about how twos a company threes a crowd?
Hey relax guys I am only here to help you.
And the glass is half full? Questioned Skeptic.
Okay guys trust me just this once. Get out of this bed and move around and move around a bit and I'll leave if you think I made no difference. Skeptic looked at Sad, They got out of the bed and dove right back in. Bye Bye said Sad live us with our miserable lives... why do you worry anyways? Yeah Good bye Hope I never see you again. But I shouldn't get my hopes up.
Anyways Upbeat finally got them up dressed and moving, they stepped on the threshold and the sun's rays fell on them. Holy Son of... screamed Skeptic it burns!!!!! Maybe we'll all get Skin Cancer and die painful deaths Sad said miserably. Maybe Upbeat would be burned by the Sun.
So after lotsa deliberations they finally headed out, debating amongst themselves. Where do we go on now? Lets go where our hearts take us! Upbeat said gleefully. He's nuts, commented Skeptic. So anyways the Heart was asked where he wanted to go. He said something but it was not very clear, people anyways find it hard to listen to their hearts anyways. So they randomly wandered for some time and just about the time they were about to head back to the comfort of the bed............. Excuse me, they turned.
The source of this commotion was a Pretty Young Thing whom we can call PYT, mind you she will mind, but she ain't gonna know is she?
This now really complicated the matters, so it was decided to let Skeptic deal with the PYT. Now Skeptic wasn't really a pro in these delicate matters but you're only as good as your best man, aren't you?
So anyways, Skeptic didn't really have a response to that particular statement, so he settled for the wittiest reply of them all “ Duh!” She smiled at the bold strategy and said “ Well hello” Now this one was positively trying to strike up a conversation, could it be avoided asked Skeptic to Sad, no, we're doomed forever anon replied Sad. Skeptic replied to her “ Well hello you” much in the same vein as say “ Well f*** you”. The PYT now tried an entirely new approach “ I need help”, this one was a no-brainer, Skeptic replied “ I am sure you'll find someone.” The duo was already celebrating their victory over the PYT, damn they had done the impossible, that's when Upbeat spoke out of turn ”Can I be of some assistance?”
Well I need to get to this address. She forwarded a piece of paper Sad opened his mouth to explain that though he did want to help, he didn't know this address, that's when Upbeat replied, Sure I am actually headed that way, mind taking a walk, its just a short distance from here!
So where do you live? Well I am just across the street of this address. Do you believe in fate? Don't you think we were actually destined to meet? Dude suxxor, I mean that's like the lamest thing I ever heard in my life, at this point Upbeat again got there first, Yeah I do, I think that there's a plan for all us, its not you know Heavenly, it could be, but I think that there is just a Plan, for everyone its not very clear but it exists.
You think so? She smiled, I couldn't agree more.
Do you believe in God? Do you, suddenly asked Sad, who had been till now been very quiet.
Well, I guess I do! She smiled. And why precisely? Well because he created us and every one, and he created Fate to give us chances like these to improve ourselves. Yes and because nothing ever happens against his will.
What about you? She asked. I don't know replied Sad, if you'd asked me a few a years ago I'd have said Yes I do, but now...
Did something happen? She inquired. No Hell is it necessary for something to happen, and my point is nothing happens... ever. Absolutely nothing. So how do I know if life is not just a series of random events one leading to the other why is it necessary to have this notion of an underlying bed-rock of Certainty. What if there is none? I sometimes think isn't God a creation of our fears? Isn't it somewhat a big-daddy who will protect us from evils and give us food? One can go on to say that the foundation of the creation of God is fear itself. And about Fate, it affects me as much as it affects a fluttering feather floating in air.
There some reason why Quantum Mechanics is the way world is. The universe is not deterministic, there is no plan, there is no God, there is no reality, there is in short... nothing.
Whoa, watch it said Upbeat. Now you can't go on saying whatever you feel like. If you think your birth was a cosmic accident I'll agree, but as for me I know who created me I was created by God. What about Big-bang? The universe was created from nothingness and made into this infinite universe.
Sad replied sorrowfully, ever seen a river... flowing it looks so ordered, a stream of blue all going in the same direction. Yet is you look closely, it ain't so ordered, its restless, particles flowing in ever which direction. That's why potential theories fail, because they can't be applied. There is no order, but Chaos and chaos creating a fragile impression of order. But its frail very fragile and once disturbed, can be disturbed and distorted totally giving something totally else, remember that the next time you smoke.
About Big bang, then my friend.. its a theory not fact... the only proof being the uniform background radiation, well it only means that the universe is isotropic, and that could be because if the universe is infinite then it would obviously be isotropic, whatever local differences there might be would get sorted over the infinite spectrum....
“Wtf” suddenly said the PYT, she was looking at me very strangely what are you she asked, as if the question wasn't insulting enough her tone definitely was the icing on the cake. Excuse me, I said. You.. you talk to yourself, you're mad or something and to think I was taking a walk with you what if you had slit my throat or something that mad-men do? I will tell my dad about it? I'm getting away from you nutter.
Hey wait, I said, I don't understand what you are saying. Oh now you don't understand me, you talk, no debate your own self, and talk strange. You believe that God exists and you also believe that God doesn't no you're not sane.. you are hardly a human... and as soon as that she was gone.
Skeptic was the first to recover from the shock. Now why was that? Who knows. Said Sad.
Well said Upbeat I am headed back to the bed, who wants to race? Well keep your hopes up, personally I am skeptic of you ever winning the race, said Skeptic. Sad just smiled.

The Pessimist

I am a pessimist. I mean the “I don't comb my hair” kind, what is the the point really?
Not the sort of person who brightens up parties just by “being there”, if you know what I mean.
Quite the contrary actually.
So this came as a real surprise, an invitation, to a real party, well that was a first. The folks throwing the party must be real optimists, the half-full glass kind, I guess.
Now the way I looked at it, I would have rather turned up at a funeral for all the fun that I might have, but then I thought, lets give the poor fellow a chance, turn up, after all God Himself said Do A SINGLE good deed and I'll forgive ALL your SINS, or something like that, but that's not the point really.
There was a time I remember when I wouldn't bother to return greetings, what's the point really in useless social rituals?
I should have been a vampire that would have kept people off, but I listened to Classical Rock which is like the second best thing, though you don't really get to change into a bat(that would have been sorta cool though), but people really avoid you, so I am almost there, I have been trying to get bitten but turns out most bats don't give a damn about my blood...
Anyways back to the party... there was no point in turning up or even getting dressed... but then there was no point in getting out of the bed also...
So I turned up there, then I noticed something, other people had packages in their hands, wtf anyways I remembered that it was a b'day party, so I needed a b'day gift damn that was outrageous if I had only known. The nerve of them, not only they expect me to turn up, they expect gifts as well. Now had I been blessed with brains this would be the point where I would return back home and try to get some sleep, not really sleep being the insomniac that I am...
Anyways whatever human interaction virus I had caught was pretty strong so I thought I would get a gift, hand it over and run like hell... that was the plan anyways...
Now I almost reached the Gift-Shop almost without any major accident. So I was crossing this dark lane when I hear Help!!! and there's this incredibly beautiful girl being robbed, so I was no Superman and the robber seemed to be one, so it was a no-brainer, her knight in shimmering armor would arrive soon enough, so on the balance there was no reason to get Karma on my own two hands, especially considering the number of cups I had broken, finally I had to buy steel cups.. but they always leak and a coffee isn't the same in them...
But that is again not the point... so I let Karma happen and went to the Gift-Shop.
When I returned outside, I saw the Girl was standing there waiting for someone. Ever so incredibly she had suddenly started moving towards me... well at least in the same general direction as I was, so on instinct I turned left and she followed so anyways, I turned again and again in the narrow by lanes but she struck on like Dahaka. Now on my day I have even defeated the Dahaka, but today I neither had the Water Sword nor did I even have my analog stick, so I was pretty much screwed, finally by a twist of fate( I have heard that there are writers, of flesh and blood who actually use this phrase, how lame!!!) I was standing at the very same spot as the girl was while being robbed... I had meddled with Karma by not touching it.....
So anyways she caught up with me pretty soon.
I don't have a lot of money but I do have this present its anyways for people I don't really give a damn about... please take it lemme go and I would never ever go to a party. Hell I'd get a proxy for my marriage.
So the girl asks me Why didn't you help me? I mean okay so I am a boy so does that mean every time a girl screws up I rush to her aid? If you're thinking so then Surely You're Mistaken... Nevermind.
So when was it last when you combed your hair? She asked me suddenly. Well yesterday. I mean there was a day such that I had combed my hair yesterday...
So you don't meddle with Karma? That a philosophy of your life? Well actually the philosophy of my life is I don't give a damn...
Why are your eyes so soggy and your skin looks bleached? Well obviously its been a month since I last saw the sun what less do you expect?
Why are you not out in the sun? Well obviously because its damn too hot? In October? Well it was hot a month ago, and with all that Global Warming... who knows??
So we chatted for some bit anyways I remembered the party and the 499.95 present in my hand. What is it? She asked me. Its a video-game. Who are you giving this to? A classmate.
So tell me, what kinda music you listen to? I don't. Hey why are you so defensive, unless you listen to dash-dash-dash( what if i get a defamation suit). Well here it goes, I thought, I listen to classical rock, like Bob Dylan. But ain't he folk rock? Well I mean the whole period I listen from Dylan to the Who...Hang on you know Dylan! Well I listen to him sometimes... I couldn't believe me ears... and Beatles yeah sure... Clapton? do... Dire Straits... intermittently. Floyd... mostly. Barrett( this was too much to hope for but I did ask and held my breath) all the time.... was it a dream. It felt so real... I could see the sun it must be a dream. So well I thought lets go with the flow... So I asked her what do you do when you're not listening to music.. video games.. FPS to MMORPGs'... at this point I thought a girl who listens to Barrett and plays Rise of Nations and F.E.A.R..... do you even exist I asked her and touched well she seemed solid, okay so she was soft and all.... but damn it was no dream at all it reality at its best....
So years later we were getting married and I finally asked her.. Why did you approach me that day anyways? Well she said... I read somewhere that God Himself said Do A SINGLE good deed and I'll REPAY you for it... or something like that but that is not really the point......
SO okay I totally made up that last part... I bought the game and decided I don't give a damn anyways so I went back to my den and hooked up the game... about that girl I don't really know, maybe her knight showed maybe he didn't depends upon the way you look at it...

Monday, May 29, 2006


He looked outside the window, the same as ever trees, birds, people with nothing better to do...
He looked at his watch, it was almost time... only an hour to go now.

The explosion tore through the city...

He got out of the house. Dressed to kill, to use the expression. A smile played on his lips, today it would be finished, all over, he would take his daughter, his incredibly beautiful 3 year old daughter and fly away... free from this life of bondage... he didn't like the climate here anyways...

"Papa hungry" his daughter said. He had never refused his daughter, anything ever.
He stopped the truck, asked her to wait there. Minutes later, he was back, bearing an enormous ice-cream in his hand and a package of Swiss chocolates.. have fun he said to her, she smiled, a smile so reminiscent of her mother that he had to fight back a tear... but soon they'll be togehter...

I guess that some people just like to go out with a bang... and if they could take some more people with them, well I guess all the more better for them...

The Pharaohs of Egypt were mummified, and not alone, in the pyramids they were buried with servants and items necessary for them in the afterlife.

The bombing all but destroyed the city-centre, the main hospital, the police station, the fire-station, it had been considered an intelligent idea to put all such important buildings together, but 2000 kgs. of RDX later...
It was an apocalypse of sorts for the residents. When later interviewed the survivors remembered seeing everyone from God to the Little Green Man and held them responsible for such...

Her mother was beautiful, very beautiful and he was just so much in love with her, head over heels... It had taken him years to finally ask her out... She had cried saying that she had stopped hoping that he would ever ask her out... Their courtship had been swift, short and very passionate. Two days later they were married. They didn' t have a lot of money but like many other romantics before them they totally believed that their love would overcome everything. I mean they were in love and good people and God always helped good people didn't he? It was the same routine everyday, one part-time job after other. He claimed their real job was loving each other... but things changed when they had the baby... now he was the only earning member and he had not only earn but also take care of his frail wife. That was when the Grim Reaper, an old family acquintance decided to pay them another visit.
He had cried holding his little child in his arms... he didn't know what to do now, he would have died ofcourse but then there was the child his own daughter, though she didn't look a lot like him was a spiffing image of her mother... he looked at her, and she opened her eyes, closed them, yawned mightily for someone hardly born
and then fell asleep with a smile of contention on her face.
It seemed to him that he might still find happiness...
Then one year later without any warning he showed up at his door... his daughter's father.
He didn't believe it yet though he knew the truth he simply chose not to believe it, not even when he had shown pictures... he had killed him, intelligently enough to make it look like an accident.

Amidst all the ruins lay a man who had suddenly lost everything in his life, he had been terribly wounded and yet miraculously alive, there were people around him who were doing the last thing he wanted them to... save his life, but he hoped he might still die, it happened all the time in the hands of them doctors... why it had happened only three years ago... he closed his eyes and awaited death, but all he could see was his daughter, chocolate smeared on her face, smiling and then... her mother, his wife calling her name, saying she was free for an hour if he cared... of course he did... a smile spread on his face as everything went pitch-black......

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Now some clarifications.
The story WE was an idea of ArviKot. But all the work is mine. Actually only the setting of the story is been inherited.
Its a story I m likin more everyday, its got a non-linear plot, its got an open ending, it was totally spontaneous, its got no dialogues, no heavy words, no runon sentences, crisply written... blah blah I didn't know I was so conceited as publicly promoting myself.
The second is the second best in a race of two. But I think it hasn't got so many symbols which make sense only to me as the first one.
The junta might rue the open-endedness of the stories, that amounts to creative oversight on part of the author, I acknowledge that and will definitely make amends before late.
I am though I won't admit it again a greenhorn but I'll learn my craft soon.

Saturday, March 25, 2006


I is a subjective concept.
Me is a hazy,shady creature inside you, everyone.
This is a story about me. I.
The man lay dead. A fall from the top of a highrise generally accomplishes that. The force with which you hit the ground, is like running headlong into a speeding train.
I had no reason to do either.
I wasn't the Supreme Emperor of the Universe but then, who was?
When I started donating blood, I was still young. But then, I had been foraging an existence on the streets for almost a week.
Bed, good food and a paycheck ensured that I keep coming back.
I had grown up hating needles, hell everyone does. But now was a different story altogether. I'd be excited, I'd get restless, I would not sleep.
I like saying the word out loud, BLOOD.
To me it is all the power, the life-force. You've got blood you could do anything, if you ain't, well you can meet me.
On days, I could easily make a lot of money from the kin of accident victims. But then there would be days on which business would be nil. It was easy, the best job.
I think of my profession as a necessary evil, not much unlike prostitution.
Of course, I did not give veneral diseases in the bargain.

Life is full of complications, two plus two aren't always four.
Hell they ain't even five, they're a lot more probably.

As I was falling, a thought flashed my mind. If I survived, I could make a lot of money donating blood to me.

Friday, March 24, 2006


We're inflated out of lies, it could have been truth ...
I have so few memories about what happened last night. Blurred images, faces twisted beyond recognition.
You want the truth, I'll tell you the truth.
There was none.
Everyone can have perceptual errors. The world sort of dims. Gets hazy. It’s like a waking dream, almost.
No, more like waking from deep slumber. Afterlife.
Faced with such situations people concentrate on the world around them. They have another option.
You can do what I did. Shut everything out. Clean slate, clear conscience.

Look for me under the stone,
Seek for me when you are alone,
Come to me when you're home ...

It all started very normally. Oddly enough though.
It was a dream, which was what it was. This is what I choose to believe.
She was there too. Short hair, the works.
The lamp post. Opaque light, seeing was like wading through a sea of molasses. I chose not to. Why was she there? What had brought us together? Fate, Karma, God, Sun Yat Sen, I really don't know.
Hanging over the precipice, I was awaiting the fall.
A quick clean blow always does the job.

Time mayn't be right,
Though you almost gave me a fright,
Look for me when the stars are bright,
I'll come to you when it’s all light...

Ever been blinded by neon lights or at a disc, found you can see or hear nothing.
A subhuman ritual, that's what it is. Your senses function but you get no sense out of the world.
At times like these there is no you. There is a single entity of masses, swaying to peculiar chants as one. Gyrating, the orgy of bliss.
That's what happens when a thousand strong crowd goes berserk. Reason could be anything, religion, tyranny, communism, socialism, Nazism, environmentism, peace, war.
Even worse.
Like the many headed Hydra. Chop a head, two more grow.
The mob is an organism, capable of its own existence, to the destruction of everything else.
Probably it is the acme of human evolution. Survival of the fittest.
She died in my arms and I in hers, but that didn't come until much later.


Who decides my life for me?
I am a schizophrenic, bipolar, autistic introvert. I have every right to remain so. Or so you would have thought.
But not they.
I, was an anomaly. I was a non-conformist. I was a diseased-pest. I was sick. I was so many things but me.
So they put me where they put you, when you're "sick". Restraints, dog-collars, electric shocks, the works.
Who decided that I needed to be cured? Indeed if there was a cure why would I ever want it?
All I wanted was to be left at my resources. But who gets that in this world?
You'd understand. I had to escape! I could not have been there.
And if my window of opportunity opened when I stabbed the guard, then you have to bear with me.
I wasn't a psychopath, definitely not a blood-lusting killer prowling through the streets.
I needed to rest. The lamp post was convenient.
That's where they found us.


I almost forgot . We sat there for a long while. Did we talk. No. With my blood-splattered clothes and the bloodied butcher's knife in my hand who would have?
But then we're not Romeo and Juliet. And we definitely weren't immortal.
We were just us.