Saturday, December 08, 2007

Failure to Communicate:

Dreams they say, are the mirrors of our souls.
Our secrets are revealed in our dreams and nowhere else. In a way, dreams are our subconscious' attempt to have a conversation with us. Sometimes they happen to be ludicrously meaningless, at others they are unbelievably lucid.
Then there are those other times when, we wake up covered up in cold sweat. With absolutely no idea of what exactly it was that we were dreaming about, yet scared. At times even crying.
Of course there also are those that think that dreams are not important. That they are just some type of a mental apparatus, a cleaning mechanism of some type. I was one of them. That however was before I had The Dream. The dream of a lifetime. The kind of dream that is a once in a lifetime experience.

You must be curious as to who I am, why I am. And most importantly, why must you have to listen to this story. All in good time friend. All in good time.
I can call you my friend? Can't I?
Well since we are having a conversation, we must be friends. To tell you the truth, I do not have a lot of friends. I am often lonely, I feel as if no one cares for me. I feel rejected. But then lets not talk about the bad things in this world.
Life is short, lets enjoy it while we can. My father used to say that. He worked at a construction-site. Then one day, a few months before my birth, a beam fell over him. I sometimes wonder what he was like. I dream about him sometimes, but in my dreams, I think he was a king or the richest man in the world.
I was brought up by my mother, but she had AIDS and she died before I turned ten. Finally, it was up to my drunk uncle and his diseased wife to bring me up. No one really liked my uncle, but I hated the aunt a lot more. She would just sit around all day coughing. When she was not coughing, she would be asleep and snoring loudly. My uncle on the other hand, would come home late at night and pass-out immediately.
I was not very good at studies. I was hardly interested in sports. The only reason I joined up for swimming classes was because I got to ogle at the rich girls.
In my school there were two kinds of girls. The rich and the poor. Of course these are the only two kinds of girls. I believe that even the ugliest of girls are very attractive and beautiful on the inside. But hey, that's just me. If you don't agree I'll totally understand. Freedom of thought and everything.
So anyways I was saying, the rich girls were so different from the poor girls it was like they were totally a different species. Their skin was so smooth, and their fragrance. Ah! those days. If I can only go back.
I was but a fool then. There was this guy, I do not remember the name. He had a very cool looking paper-cutter. I can still imagine myself holding it. It had a sticker of Spiderman who is like the coolest superhero ever.
So one day the guy drops the paper cutter on his way to school. The next day I find it and keep it for myself. Spiderman is so cool. Wow. He can bloody swing. In fact he can totally defeat anyone else. Well, only Wolverine is cooler than him. What with those retractable claws of his and that amazing regeneration ability. Night-crawler I think has the coolest powers. He can teleport to any place he can see. He is amazing. He would have been my favourite, but I hate his looks. He looks like a blue alien monster and totally uncool.

So anyways, I was foolish enough to bring the paper cutter to the school. I thought since I had found it, it was mine. But he would have none of it. He was too adamant. We fought for it the whole day.
Finally we were fighting over it after school was over. The sonofa bit me in the hand. I was very angry, I remember still. I get angry just by remembering the moment. So I stabbed him with the knife once twice thrice, I lost count at around forty.
He had already stopped struggling at around twenty. But I kept going on just for the heck of it. I have always found the act of stabbing to be an excellent stress buster. You should also give it a try.

However, now that I have grown up, not a day goes by when I don't regret that. It was a foolish childish act, I should acted more maturedly.
Now that I have grown up and become more intelligent, I think if I get another chance, I'll do it different.
I should never have taken the papercutter to school.

Anyways everyone found out about the paper cutter incident. I did hide the body in the school well. But the problem was that I was too poor. I think that no one should be poor. God really hates the poor. Sometimes I wonder how can there be a God when there is so much injustice in the world. Or is this just His sense of humor? He can bloody well do what he pleases.

To tell you the truth,my uncle was not that poor as he was miser. Unless he was spending on his drinks. We might not have had food to eat every night, but he just had to have his scotch, gin and tonic every night. And then some more. I just had a single set of school dress. I had to wear it for 5 days then, I'll wash it on Saturday and wear it again from Monday.
It was now covered in blood on a Wednesday I think it was. No Thursday, because I remember wishing the whole time that why was it not Friday. Just one day. Just one day extra.
I could not wash off the blood and I spent the whole night and the whole supply of detergents trying to do that.
Anyways what happened next is the same old boring story. I got caught, sent to a mental hospital and came out of it a lunatic.
Or that is what everyone likes to believe. I believe I was born there.
You know that how we all go about our lives day after day, without ever knowing who we are. What our purpose in life is?
I discovered mine there.
I am Justice. I am infallible. I am the only truth in this world of lies and deception. I am a spider. I am equality.
Now don't be scared. Don't try anything foolish. Let me explain to you what will happen now.
I will bring you freedom. I will release you from the circle of pain that life is. I will conclude you. Do not cry, do not cry, there is nothing to fear. Everything to gain. God loves you. He will care for you.
This is all a dream, your Dream. The one that will change your life.
See I will slash your wrist right here. Purge you of the unclean blood of your heretic father and whore of a mother. See the blood oozing out? There is no pain, right. This is sweet release. This is mercy. Now i will slash your jugular. Hahah! Let it all flow out. Doesn't it feel good? See they were wrong. There is no pain. There is only release. Now now, don't struggle. Close your eyes, friend close your eyes.
Isn't this what friends are for? Relieving our sufferings. See, didn't I tell you that stabbing is a great for killing stress? I already feel happy. I have this amazing glow inside me. I feel like a newborn. Or what I imagine newborns would feel like. The blood see. It is leaving you, purifying you. From the inside.
Now friend. Can't you stay any longer? I see, you have to go.
What is wrong with everyone? I try to make friends, they all leave me. Everyone leaves me. No one stays.
It was nice knowing you.

7 comments:

vikram said...

I really loved the first half; especially the fragrance, smoothness of rich girls(well, its true; i have experienced some of it :D). Then, the part that God hates the poor also makes sense.
I really liked the lines:-
"You know that how we all go about our lives day after day, without ever knowing who we are. What our purpose in life is".

The last few lines were difficult to read. But, all in all, it was nice reading this, after a long time.

Zeitgeist said...

abe noir nahi hai..yawwn

basit said...

how actually do you define noir?
i read on wiki that there is no accepted common definition...
and ever since I have been trying to justify why 8mm (*Cage) is NOT noir :P

Onion said...

Hmm, Cold blooded alright. I really liked the line: 'I will conclude you.' I guess I will use it sometime. So did you really have this dream when high on nicotine? :P

Gimme more, there is nothing to do these days.

basit said...

naah hadn't written for ages... just felt like scribbling :)
yeah go ahead i'll love to see how you use the line :)

Vishnu said...

You like my poetry, I like yours (though its hidden in verse). You don't need to be high on nicotine or anything to write this kinda stuff, anwersing a comment on your blog. I have weird thoughts even while fully awake and conscious. I was talkin to my girlfriend this one time and I went blank for a second or two when I didn't answer her. I saw some japanese guy with a sword with some kinda tag that said something I don't quite remember now. All you have to do is to write these down :P All of it makes sense a lot of times!

chachi said...

The End, eh?

nice one. You're getting eerier day by day. Tujhse bach ke rehna hoga :-D